Ah man …. Where ever I go, where ever I look, people are struggling. People are either dealing with very real and painful problems or they are worried and anxious about perhaps having to go through very real and painful problems. Not sure why this is happening to so many, must be that we angered the planets or other strange energy juju going on, whatever it is; same is happening in the house of Tam. Sort of. Here, sleep is hard to come by with little Elliot waking every hour asking for milk and I feel anxious and worried a lot. The sleeplessness is causing me to have a really foggy brain. I don’t retain a lot of information and get very confused and frazzled at times. The anxiety is around running a business.
Running an art business as I do is awesome, so so awesome. And also very unpredictable. I never quite know how sustainable it is and so when sales dip a bit or it is generally more quiet, I worry that ‘the time has finally come that this is no longer sustainable’. Of course, this is not good thinking from a ‘law of attraction’ point of view and then I worry even more that I’m jinxing myself and the business and then it all spirals into a black hole which ends with me having visions of me, Elliot, Dylan and Andy living under a bridge somewhere, homeless. Ha ha. Quelle drama! Byron Katie would have a ball looking at what my thoughts do to me.
So, perspective is needed. And when I get like this, I usually only need a day or 2 of over-consuming chocolate in all its forms and then I have a good sturdy (yet compassionate!) word with myself and I can breathe again.
There is only now. And most -if not all- problems that are now, are manageable. And there is the beauty. The sun is shining here. Grass is so green. Red leaves are blowing on the wind. Elliot has giggles that sound like bells and Dylan is astounding us with his growth and development each day. The worries, the anxiety, they make me miss things. What is, is. Whatever happens, will happen. What you accept transforms, what you resist, persists.
I’ve been working in a moleskine art journal for Dylan and Elliot. I thought, wouldn’t it be awesome if in many years time they had this art journal they could look at with all these little ‘wise’ and funny messages for them with photos and drawings and anecdotes about what they are up to now? So, this is what I have so far:
Dear Elliot & Dylan, I want you to know -> you are worthy.
Dear Dylan, sometimes cats wear crowns. Also, cats can be good friends.
Dear Elliot, sometimes the angriest people need the most love. And it’s ok if you can’t be the one to give it to them. Walking away is okay.
Dear Elliot & Dylan, always channel your inner flower.
Dear Dylan, dear Elliot, believe in fairies and angels because they believe in you (and so do I, forever and ever).
Dear Dylan, break the rules. Challenge the system.
Dear Elliot, shine your light. It is huge.
Dear Dylan. Kindness matters. A lot!
Dear Elliot. Create your own fairy tale.
Dear Elliot & Dylan. Know thyself.
Dear Dylan. You are good enough.
It’s possibly the most meaningful journal project I’ve ever embarked upon. :) I love using the instagram photos as they are easy to print out at home and they are always the ones that are the ‘best of’ that week. So useful!
If you’re on instagram, I’d love to follow you, I’m willowing (as usual).
So, to those who are struggling: I send you love and light and big hugs and a big dose of ‘appreciating your now-ness even if that now includes sadness’. And I send the same to me too.
PS. I’m behind on 29 Faces and am ok with that.
PPS. My new website is finally almost ready to be launched. I’m excited about that!
PPPS. Life is awesome.
PPPPS. We booked a holiday to Spain early July! Wooooooooooh.