Update: Life. – Cinder, Smoke & Flutterlings

Update: Life! :) It’s been a while. When, dear people, did my business start to run ME instead of ME, it?! It’s grown like a bit of a beast and I’m so proud and amazed and I’m also scratching my head over how I suddenly ended up in the middle of this tsunami of work and things to do and sort out and create and reply to and and and and who am I again? Where am I again? What even just happened?

It’s grown faster than I sometimes can keep up with and that can be overwhelming and scary you know? Because for instance, it means that I no longer write whimsical blog posts about my own little funny silly life and it means I have less time for art making (lol but what suffers is my sleep as art making still wins over sleep!) and I have less time for singing songs (nooooo!) and spending time with my best-friend-husband-love-beautiful-man-beast (lol, I’ve never actually called him that, he’ll find it hysterical) and and and the list goes on!

So learning to manage that is, like everything in my life, a work in progress. I’ll get there I’m sure! :)

So in the midst of crazy and the prepping of Life Book 2016, I felt called to do a little whimsical life update! Here an update on everything Tam Life. :)

Zhe amazing boys.

Dylan – almost 6

Elliot – 3.5

Life with children has become significantly easier and funner. If you’ve been following my parenting journey you’ll know that I’ve struggled for many years to actually like this parenting gig. Always loving, adoring my kids, but definitely being infinitely deeply shocked & pained by how hard the experience of parenting was on us, wow.

Now that the boys are almost 6 & 4, I’m actually starting to like parenting. You have no idea how happy-making this is for us all. :) Like dance-party kind of happy because me and Andy really were rocked hard by what it was like to suddenly have kids. It was no party in the park I tell ya (though visit parks a lot we did do), entirely unsure where my yoda-speak came from just now, ha!

These boys are sunshine and daisies and roses. My heart overspills with the tenderness and love I feel for them. :)

Project: buying a house.

Yes. We are trying to buy a house. So far we’ve only ever rented and have had the misfortune of having to move 5 times in the last 5 years. This has been super stressful and so we’ve ‘ramped up’ our buying a house project to avoid this ‘moving house’ thing being out of our control (in most cases, landlords needed us to move: not fun). We are very excited about buying our own home. We are hoping to buy in Devon (because of schools for the kids) and it’s ZOMG so pretty there. I also have mega plans for building a big studio in the garden and hold future art retreats there, but I’ll tell you all about that, when everything is more set in stone! :) Exzziting times.

New website in the making.

So, it’s time. The business has grown into a big butterfly beast and the ning + hostmonster and all the other bits (like etsy/ ejunkie etc) are currently a bit too fragmented to be holding everything up as strongly as I’d like. So, I’ve had an in depth 2 day ‘discovery session’ with a local webdesign company about a month ago to see what they can do to provide the Willowing Butterfly Beast with a strong, robust, awesome, membership, pretty, stylish, unicorn-esque, sparkly, efficient brand spanking new website where all my classes will be held and where you can also buy all my stuff too. ETA for website go-live: July 2016. Whew, it’s gonna be a huge project but will be worth it!

Personal Development/ Spiritual + Emotional Health

I’m making progress in that department, but it’s sloooooow and sometimes I’m so sulky about it. LOL. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s understandable that if you’ve done a certain thing a certain way for 36 years, it’s not gonna change miraculously over night but you have to slog and put some hard core work in there. So I keep moving forward, snail’s pace, baby steps, but I am going forward goddammit! ;)

I’ve been having a hard time recently keeping my ’empathy walls’ up resulting in frequent crying sessions and break downs when confronted with ‘the world’s’ suffering’. I’m up and down with the ‘managing’ of that, but fuck, it hits me hard that. I do struggle with not getting overwhelmed by other people’s pain. Also working on that. As always: we are works in progress n’est pas?

What else would you be interested reading about that is whimsical and frilly and fun?

Favourite music at the moment: “The Lumineers”

Book I’m reading: “Wicked” Jennifer Armentrout (sssh, I like teen fiction, don’t tell anyone, I have many redeeming qualities)

Favourite iPhone Game: “Blek”

Favourite TV Show:Girls – HBO” (I’m totally obsessed with Lena Dunham, I want her to be my BFF)

Favourite Re-run (I watch while on treadmill):Will & Grace

Exciting up and coming stuff

I’m going to spend a week with Jane Davenport in Paris next month. I love Jane, she’s my good good art friend, can’t wait to spend a week art making with her in France! :) I’m so luckyyyyy!

Erin has made a movie about me and it’s about to be launched, so cool! I’ll link you up once it’s out.

Moments of Beauty

When I catch Andy stare at me lovingly as if I’m the most incredible, beautiful thing that ever lived. When he and I laugh at each other’s jokes and the deep connection & trust that comes from being together for so long and communicating so deeply & lovingly for so many years. When Elliot strokes my face just before he falls asleep while I lay next to him, he smiles and whispers ‘I love you the best mummy’ he pronounces ‘best’ with a lithsp :D. When Dylan tries to help Elliot calm down and tries to make him happy when he is sad. When Dylan’s brown eyes are all I can look at. When friends deeply understand me and I them. When I go out into the dark into the garden at night to bring in the guinea pigs; a smell of cold air, mown grass, faint smoke. Light, bokeh, pink flowers in parks. Sunshine refracting off the water in the pond. Green. Baby otters. Baby skunk. A smile so wide it aches. Breathing and noticing it. Warm shower water. The smell of the hand wash. The smell of my favourite perfume. The feeling of complete safety and compassion. The joy of seeing colours merge and expand under my wet paintbrush. Inky inks. Tori Amos, Antony & the Johnsons, Joni Mitchell, Passenger. Heart songs. Kindness. Recognition. Ah-ha moments.

My life in motion can best be followed on instagram should you want to be more in touch with my daily dailies. :)

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