willowing blog & news

a mix of things

2010-01-21T14:13:00.001-08:00

hallo again! wow, another post from me!, so soon? :-)

well. imma gonna copy/ paste a few things over here that i posted somewhere else alreadies. seeing that not everyone here follows me everywhere else, ha ha.

so, a mix of things! number 1, big news; DYLAN CAN ROLL OVER! (yes, this IS a big deal!), see him in rolly over action here;

& this be a uber cute peekture of him (hat made by the awesome beverley);

this be a uber silly pic of me;

behind the cut are some questions i answered on formspring.me which i have enjoyed doing;

Was art something you have always done, or was there a pivotal moment when you realised you wanted to make art part of your life?

I've always been artistic. I did drama, music & art as part of my A-levels (high school) and loved art in junior school as well. Photography came into my life in my twenties. Art (specifically painting/ drawing) was always a part of my life, but has taken on more of a professional focus in the last 5-6 years or so. Before that, it was more of an intense hobby.

What is your view/belief/feeling on God? Does God have a place in your life?

I am not a religious person but a spiritual one. I don't believe in a God the way Christians or Muslims depict him. I believe God is all things and everyone. My spiritual views resonate most with Non-duality/ Zen & Buddhism. :)

Do you aim to follow any particular philosophy or parenting style for raising Dylan?

yes. andy and i live something called 'nonviolent communication' or 'compassionate communication' (by marshall rosenberg). it focuses on connecting authentically to human needs. it avoids moralistic judgements and punishment & rewards. as this is our life style, this will be how dylan is raised. :)

i've also noticed that some of my parenting approaches have elements of attachment parenting (such as; co-sleeping & feeding on demand/ request), but i don't actually do those things because of attachment parenting, it's just something that i naturally wanted to do. it feels 'right'.

the focus for us is on nvc and child-led parenting. :-)

How come you're so awesome?

ha ha! we all are! by default! we made it to this earth didn't we? that's pretty awesome to me : D

name please your 10 most favorite CDs ever

1. "Blue" Joni Mitchell
2. "Little Earthquakes" Tori Amos
3. "Rubber Soul" The Beatles
4. "Little Black Numbers" Kathryn Williams
5. "Ophelia" Natalie Merchant
6. "Almost Famous" Simon & Garfunkel
7. "Crime of the Century" Supertramp
8. "I Am Bird Now" Antony & the Johnsons
9. "Want Two" Rufus Wainwright
10. "Quelqu'un m'a dit" Carla Bruni

Are you happy with what you have done with your life, or would you change something?

i neglected the care of a white bunny when i was about 8 years old. it resulted in its death. i still feel utter guilt and sadness over this. i would've liked to have changed that. regarding major decisions in my life i am very contented and happy with what i've done with my life. :-)

Name five places you'd like to visit.

:-) visit again? or places i haven't been to yet?

ok, places i haven't been to yet;

1. new york (why? hey, it's new yoik! ;), the most amazing city evar no? ;)) it'd be like walking around in a movie though, so that'd be weird, but wouldn't deter me from going. :)

2. nepal (have always had an attraction to this country because of the colourful clothing people wear. should've visited it when i lived in sri lanka, but didn't have the chance, also, it's really roundabout to get from sl to nepal even though it's so nearby)

3. iceland, any place that produced sigur ros must be an amazing place. i have such a mystical, magical impression of the country.

4. sweden, or any other scandanavian country really. love the language, love the people, love the snowy weather.

5. australia, such amazing vastness, hilariously cool accent, awesome animals (kangaroo/ koala - is it a coincidence they both start with a 'k'?) and i have some great friends there.

There was a time in your life when you weren't sure about marriage and babies etc, why? And what changed?

i only ever wanted to bring a child into the world if i knew i was psychologically, emotionally and financially stable (or at least; stable-er, ha ha). before andy came into my life i had a lot of emotional and psycholgical challenges and could not imagine caring for a child if i wasn't able to care for myself! when i met andy, everything changed, i grew stronger on all levels and so marriage/ a child seemed to be a beautiful and logical consequence of it all.

Would you rather be a famous musician or a famous actor?

there was a time when i wanted to be both with equal ferocity for all the 'wrong' reasons. now, i enjoy doing music for a small audience. proper fame would absolutely do my head in.

What was your favorite book as a child?

i read a lot more as a child than i do now, sadly. a few of my favs were; 'the secret garden', 'mio my mio' and 'the brother's lionheart'.

feel free to ask me any questions if you like too, over here. i enjoy doing them! :D

3 more days until my next course starts! :-) if you want to experience it from the beginning, make sure to register before monday! (find out more here)

i'm making more little clay houses! it is very relaxing to do, very enjoyable process! :) i sold 3 of them already! :)

**

feeling a bit better emotionally. still completely freaked out by all the horror haiti stories (6 year old boy lies under rubble for 5 days, then gets saved, what must've gone on in that poor little mind for 5 days?! - father writes goodbye notes to little sons with own blood etc), but somehow coping better with this sort of information. byron katie helps me process and 'being here-now-ness' helps.

i've also started exercising on an exercise bike! yahah, we bought one for only £35 at Asda's and it's going pretty well so far!

i do 20mins a day while watching 1 episode of friends (or scrubs) in the morning while andy looks after dylan, it's quite nice, because this way i don't have to go to a gym or run outside, i can just wake up and step on this bike and get a tiny bit of cardio going (i still stop quite a bit but at least i'm doing something, trying to lose some of the pregnancy weight and whatever weight there was before the pregnancy too, ha ha!).

so, i'm more up at the moment. which makes me :0)

hope everyone is well.

hugga bugga. x

little houses of love.

2010-01-14T15:36:00.000-08:00

these little adorable housies are now for sale in my etsy shop!

hullo the world.

i think i am going to have to resign to the fact that updating blogs is no longer something i can do as frequently as i'd like! when i look back over my journal, there was a point where i updated 4-5 times a day at times (2004). now, i'm lucky if i get to update 4-5 times a month. there are two reasons for this;

1. dylbee, of course, the little angel sort of lives ON me for about 75% of the day. i am an 'attachement' or 'baby-led' parent, meaning; i respond to his needs where/ when needed; his needs are prioritised over mine (within reason, of course). babies this age need a lot of physical hugs, holding and contact, hence, he lives on me for a substantial part of the day, and blog writing isn't so easy with one hand. :)

2. twitter. now that i can update to twitter in short sentences and share videos and photos within a matter of seconds, i somehow feel i am connected and share what i normally share in longer versions over here and on blogspot. twitter is miniature blogging and it fulfills many of my blogging needs, ha ha. so, because of twitter i don't feel totally deprived from the blogging world and therefore don't go through great lengths to get a blog post out.

but, yes, i do do do do miss this. i miss spilling over and spilling out all my inner feelings, thoughts and stufffff.

i enjoy writing more lengthy posts, and i like really digging deeper into my emotional, psychological states, or merely writing poetically about my day/ life etc.

so, dylan fell asleep about 20 mins ago and i have some time to write! yahoo! :D i can feel you all jumping up and down with excitement. ;)

now then, here follows an account of what's been happening with me, lately;

the two most important people in my life

♥ dylan remains an amazing marvel of a human being, he grows stronger and bigger every day and he is this constant source of love and amusement. also a source of sleep deprivation, although he's sleeping for much longer chunks at night more or less all time now. on jan 17th he'll be 5 months old! wowsa.

♥ andy remains this beautiful, compassionate, amazing person who has infinite amounts of patience, love and care for me and our child. my text message to him earlier today says it all;

here is a little video of the both of them, done today;

polymer clay

i've always wanted to make things with my hands out of clay, but always thought i need a big fuck off kiln for that, so never went down that road. then, i discovered polymer clay which hardens in a normal home based oven. imagine my joy! so, i've been sculpting, baking, painting and varnishing polymer clay lately (something that can more easily be done with a sleeping baby on your lap) and am LOVING it, see pics above of the little clay houses. and another example;

(also for sale in my etsy shop)

it's wonderfully therapeutic to make these. gonna do much more of it if i can.

emotional state

i don't know if it's hormones from baby things or the new rheumatism meds i'm taking, but i am still incredibly 'tuned in' or 'affected by' other people's suffering. to the point where it's really making me depressed, sad, scared and fearful.

take the haiti disaster, or the man who was executed in china. when i hear these things, i imagine it happen to myself or a loved one and can't stop crying. i know, rationally, that this is in no way helpful or achieving anything, the whole thing is completely pointless, but i can't seem to stop myself from doing it. we did a search online and looked up depression as a side effect to my meds and some people did mention depression but apparently it's rare.

i have moments where i can be more 'zen' about other people's suffering, but i often slip back into feeling terribly upset by it all, to a much greater extent than from before i had dylan. at times i'm a bit at a loss as to what to do about it, byron katie's approach seems to work best, but it's as if a part of my brain keeps overriding any strategy i have to not get affected (or just less hysterically affected!), so it's wearing me down a little bit.

the new house

we still haven't completely unpacked! one of the rooms has got a pile of unpacked boxes and bags in it, but other things keep taking priority! like work and dylan and watching tv for instance, ha ha. ;)

but anyway, here is a little tour of our house!

art courses & ning

my new art course, fabulous faces, will begin on 25th of Jan, i'm working hard on getting most of the videos and pdfs ready before i even start so that during the course it won't be possible to run out of time all of a sudden. smart thinking eh. it's really wonderful to be back teaching, i do enjoy editing the videos together and really making the lessons as easy and accessible as possible. editing the videos is actually doable with dylan on me as i mostly need one hand only for it! registration for this course is still open, if you're interested you can sign up HERE.

my ning site has reached its 1000th member this week! in honour of this i'm holding a give away with several prizes over HERE.

The Art of Self Acceptance - Book Project - i'm hoping to publish a book and so i've started this book project about art & self-love/ self acceptance! i'm looking for contributing artists! if you're interested in contributing, have a read about the details here; http://www.willowing.org/2010/01/art-of-self-acceptance-book-project.html

i would love it if some of my lj buddies would take part!

NVC - nonviolent communication

i've started a weekly tele practise group with Jim & Jori Manske via the NVC Academy. jim & jori were trainers on the intensive nvc training i went to in albuquerque in 2007 and i thoroughly enjoyed learning from them and being around them. it is wonderful reconnecting with them.

i had my first session last night (i missed last week's duh!) and some interesting exercises on 'presence' were shared. i would've enjoyed more one on one listening or interaction, but there were approx 25 people taking part so that wasn't really possible. nevertheless, it was great having 2 hours in which i could preoccupy my mind with presence-nvc work (and some painting too) while andy looked after dylan. i recommend nvc academy for people who want to learn more about nvc.

other random
snow. i love snow, but it's really been limiting my mobility lately, so, if it's ok with the snow, pls go away now. ;)

other emotional
i just really want to be able to be more grounded and a little more at peace in my head.

so, to help with that, here are some helpful zen/ byron katie/ buddhistie quotes;

~ ByronKatie - "Until you experience death as a gift, your Work’s not done. So if you’re afraid of it, that shows you what to question next." (a gift huh? ... sigh, oh well .. )

"Focusing on what we think we need keeps us from being present to what's already right here. "~Cheri Huber

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." ~Winnie the Pooh (I LOVE this one!)

"The primary cause of unhappiness is not the situation, but your thoughts about it." ~ Eckhart Tolle (sooo true!)

"Stop looking for something out there and begin looking within." ~Rumi

"It takes great learning to understand that all things, events, encounters and circumstances are helpful." ~ #ACIM (i sooo want to see that, but find it so difficult!)

***

and with that, i bid thee adieu and goodnight lovely reader.

♥

ps.
i'm here on twitter
i'm here on fb
xx

the art of self acceptance book project

2010-01-02T03:34:00.000-08:00

if you'd like to contribute, pls join my ning site: www.willowing.ning.com and then this group: collab art.

The Art of Self Acceptance - Book Project

One of THE biggest challenges you will face in life is; loving yourself. Sadly, we are conditioned, raised to think of ourselves as less than others, a lucky of few of us had awesome parents who showered us with unconditional love, but they are few and far in between! So for many it is a struggle to love, hey, even simply like ourselves at times!

I personally think that a lack of self acceptance lies at the core of a lot of our personal and global problems. I think that a world with people who truly fully and totally unconditionally accept themselves is a utopic one and would sort out a whole load of the problems we currently have in the world!

So, why not make a book about it? I hope that this book full of your work and explorations around self acceptance will work as healing to all of us somehow! :)

Ok, so what to contribute?

I imagine each artist to get a max of 2 page spread. You can fill this spread with anything you want as long as it relates to art and self acceptance/ love/ kindness towards the self.

Examples of what you might do:

1. Submit an art journal entry which has a self love theme. With this you can write a little story about how art journaling helps you be kinder towards yourself.

2. Do you take photographs? Perhaps you take self portraits and jazz them up in photoshop? Do these projects help you with your self acceptance? Explore, describe, submit!

3. Do you write poetry? Oscar Wilde once wrote that we would all have the wildest (;) love afair with ourselves, what do you think? Submit your self love, or struggle with self love poetry to the book!

4. It doesn't have to be solely about how art helps you with your self acceptance, perhaps, you have a really really hard time loving yourself, darker entries around how it's all just not working out is also ok, perhaps submitting that dark piece of art will actually help you with your self love growth?

5. Do you sculpt, make puppets, carve wood? Do your creations helps you somehow, some way towards a happier you? Pls submit photos of your creations and share with us how and why your creations or your creative processes help you!

6. Do you make junk art? Bags? Scanner art? Knit, crochet, sew? Use polymer clay? Do any of these activities make you happier and/or help you get in touch with your you-ness and make you feel happy? Share it with the world in this book!! :-)

Ok, I am going to set a draft deadline for 20th February 2010! That gives you a month and a half to produce some ideas/ drafts!

When you submit work, try to scan it at high quality pixels (tiff format would be best, but high pixel jpeg is fine too). If you can only photographs your work, pls try to take high quality, high pixelation picture with nice lighting (best would be in natural sunlight).

Pls also submit:

1. a photograph of yourself that you love!!! ♥ (high quality again if possible)
2. any website links/ urls you'd like to have printed by your section
3. a little blurb/ story on your self love journey (no more than approx 500 words if it's accompanying a/ some pieces of art), if what you want to submit is prose then it can be larger!!

Ok, hope that gives you some great ideas you guys! Can't wait to see what you guys come up with!

Please send your submissions to: willowing [at] gmail [dot] com.

If you have any other great ideas to contribute, pls let us know in the comment section! x

Big hugs
Tam x

extra info:

Oooh, I'm so excited by all your responses! This book is going to be great! I can feel it in my bonessss! :)

Ok, so I'm just going to respond to some of your questions/ queries in this section here so that everyone can read it.

@rhomany; blurb is a self publish site like lulu and everyone will be able to buy their own copy!

@ingrid; Hi ingrid! I hope for this book to explore how art and self acceptance go together or not and for people to contribute art in any form (so could be paintings/ photography/ poetry or a simple piece of prose or ancedote about your own journey into self love/ acceptance). I would LOVE IT if you could contribute something! :) x

@heather: hi heather! it's ok to submit a photo, although it'd be important to take a high quality photo of it so that it would print properly! so excited that you're interested to contribute, yay! x

@julia; i love your idea about an art conversation! how do you envision that, pls tell me more!

Ok, so a bit more detail about what I have in mind, and let's think of a first draft deadline! The other thing I'm looking for is one or two co-editors! Anyone interested in that role?

Posted on Dec 23rd 2009:
Hi Guys!

So, I've been brooding on this idea for a while now! In the new year, I want to publish a book via blurb about Art & Self Acceptance, possible title; (The Art of Self-Love or The Art of Self-Acceptance).

I envision a book with art from all of you guys that is themed, or explores the idea of self love/ acceptance/ kindness towards the self.

The art could be in all forms; paintings/ mandalas/ photography/ 3d/ poetry/ story writing.

I am thinking of hoping to find about 30 or so contributing artists/ writers/ photographers, each gets a two page spread or less if they want to contribute less. Photos of the arists and their own journey/ stories of self acceptance in relation to art will be added and links to your websites too!

I'm hoping to produce a book that people can relate to, feel inspired by and may even find some healing through. (Perhaps a little like the post secret books although more involved with more variety and styles and different stories/ contributions).

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this in the comment section! And let me know if you're interested in being one of the contributing arists! :)

Thanks !
Tam x

Fabulous Faces - Registration now Open!

2010-01-01T11:29:00.000-08:00

Registration for Fabulous Faces is NOW OPEN!

Learn how to create your own pretty portraits!

Download the Course Outline & Supply List HERE.

How to sign up and what happens:

1. Pay your course fee (£45 GBP) by clicking on the 'buy now' button - but make sure to write in the email address you want to sign up with (or have already signed up with):

£45 (GBP)

Or by sending £45 (GBP) to my paypal account: tamara[dot]laporte[at]gmail[dot]com, making sure to let me know in the comment section which email you'd like to sign up with!

Pls note: if you don't have a paypal account but you do have standard credit cards like mastecard/ visa card/ swift etc, you can still pay via paypal as a guest, you too should click on the 'buy now' button. If you don't want/ can't pay via paypal and don't have any major creditcards, pls private msg me so we can work something out!

2. I will send you 2 emails, one is an invitation to the workshop, the second is an email with a welcome pack pdf.

3. You need to accept my invitation to the group (follow the
links in the email).

4. Voila! You are a member!

If things are confusing and you can't figure things out, pls email me on tam[at]willowing[dot]org. Or check out the FAQ page over here: FAQ

Workshop 5 - Fabulous Faces - Course Leader: Tam (Willowing)

This course will run for 6 weeks with a full length video & pdf file per week!

Course skill level: beginner & intermediate
Course fee: £45 GBP

Course outline

week 1	25.01.2010	Drawing & shading a front facing portrait in graphite - basics.
week 2	01.02.2010	Shading a front facing portrait in colour - various materials.
week 3	08.02.2010	Drawing/ shading a 3 quarter portrait in colour.
week 4	15.02.2010	Drawing/ shading a profile portrait in colour.
week 5	22.02.2010	Adding items/ objects etc to your portrait piece + looking at different mixed media styles to create your portrait (such as drawing a portrait on top of bookpages or music scores, as an example).
week 6	01.03.2010	Integrating your portrait into a mixed media background - going over some layering styles too.

Videos can be downloaded throughout the 6 weeks, don't worry if you're not available on Monday''s; all videos remain online for the duration of the course.

Your pdfs will contain technical guidance on the techniques covered in the videos.

Note: once you have paid and signed up for the course, you will be sent an in depth welcome pack which lists materials and other details of the course.

SIGN UP NOW! £45 (GBP)

my 2009

2009-12-31T02:20:00.000-08:00

I sit here in the wee hours of the morning of the last day of 2009. I always feel nostalgic, or at least, melancholy when I think another year is about to end. I bond with a year, weirdly, with the number, that is, and somehow mourn that that number is going by, dies, or fades like a burnt out star in the sky. See, I'm all poetic about it.

My child and husband are still asleep in the other room. I marvel at those two words; "child" & "husband", those who have read my journal since its inception will attest to how I wasn't the type of person who you'd imagine ending up with a 'child' and a 'husband'. I now think; 'how could I ever NOT' end up with those two amazing creatures in my life? I am hugely blessed. :-)

2009 was an incredible year for me;

I got married (albeit not with a lot of noise).

I was pregnant for 9 months and then gave birth to a child (with a LOT of noise ;)).

We moved to a bigger house;

(this is the view at the back)

I ran my first ever online art course;

We had a wonderful time in Spain:

and it snowed! (twice this year).

feb 2009:

dec 2009:

***

so those were my highlights. :-)

i hope to write a bit more in the new year as with dylan i've had much less time in the last 4 months to write and connect with my buddies here in the internetverse. i miss that.

current pre-occupations; i'm working hard on my next online art course 'fabulous faces' (registration opens next week some time) and we're trying to get the house ready with all the unpacking. still a lot to do, and every project/ task gets slowed down by little dylbee, but hey, such is life with an infant! :)

oh! i finished the commission for mark () and you can see it be created in my latest youtube art video here;

i wish you all a spectacular 2010 with much love, health, abundance, joy and 'being-here-now-ness'.

♥

Akmal Shaikh

2009-12-22T11:10:00.000-08:00

Feeling utter despair at the thought of this man being executed. Please help by sending a msg to Gordon Brown. I desperately hope the British Government can intervene.

TAKING ACTION TOGETHER FOR HUMAN RIGHTS

Less than a week to save Akmal Shaikh

Dear Supporter,

Akmal Shaikh is facing imminent execution in China. There are reports that his execution has been scheduled for 29 December 2009. Akmal, who is 53 and a father of five from north London, is believed to be mentally ill. He was sentenced to death for drug-smuggling on 29 October 2008 after an unfair trial. Although he appears to have suffered for many years with mental instability and is likely to have bipolar disorder, the Chinese authorities have refused to allow him to be examined by a doctor. According to Article 18 of China's Criminal Law, a mental patient who commits a crime, and has not completely lost the ability to recognise or control his own conduct at the time, still has criminal responsibility but may be given a lighter punishment.

TAKE ACTION NOW

Call on Gordon Brown to urgently intervene on Akmal Shaikh's behalf. Please write your own appeal or copy the text below and send a message via the Downing Street website.

Dear Prime Minister, As you know Akmal Shaikh, a British national is facing execution in China on 29 December 2009. The Chinese legal system has not taken into account his serious mental illness. I am appealing to you directly to make immediate representations to China's President Hu Jintao.

Send a message to Gordon Brown

for your amusement. :)

2009-12-19T09:08:00.001-08:00

for your amusement. ;)

xoxox

hello the world!

2009-12-13T13:41:00.001-08:00

julie, lucy and sophie on a carousel. :)

we're moving to a bigger home on tuesday! been crazy busy packing for the last couple of days and can't believe how much crap i have accumulated over the years!

physically not been great, RA flares keep happening and because Dylbee is still not sleeping through the night, i'm generally a bit weaker to deal with it all. i'm on new meds though and they should kick in, in about a month and a half.

i'm working on my next online art course and have just finished a commission painting for which i'm doing a youtube vid as well.

obviously, 90% of my time is spent with one of the most amazing loves of my life, lil dylbee boy, who is now smiling, shouting, giggling and as off today; sucking his thumb!

proof ici;

i love this little boy so much, at times it makes my brain explode.

also been making cute polymer clay houses and lil doggies, but not painted yet.

been up and down mood wise but had a brilliant 'accepting what is' moment today which helped me ground again.

want to do more nvc vlogs and more, but all my projects now take so much longer with lil baby around as he is priority numbero uno, bien sur jah.

i miss my online clan and connections, but this is how it is, and how it is, is ok. (the secret to life, according to tori).

i sincerely hope everyone out there is well with love in my heart for you. ♥

i'll be off line (although on twitter via iphone @willowing via iphone, for a week i think, depending on how quickly they reconnect us in the new house.

new house, here i come.

merry xmas lovelies. x

tea party with cupcakes

2009-11-27T14:01:00.000-08:00

hallow lovely world. :-)

quick update!

dylan has had 2 nights now in which he slept SEVEN whole hours! omg! i haven't slept that much in a row since he was born!! crazy. he's also done 6 and 5 hrs on some nights and other nights he wakes up every 2 hours again but it's going in the 'right' direction. :)

motherhood is possible THE most incredibly beautiful thing that has ever happened to me! every day i wake up filled with such wonder and love for this little boy, ohmygod.

look at his smoochie facey!!!

i just overflow with looooooove ♥ eheehh.

oh, i recorded 'silent night' in dutch and english, listen to it ici if you like;

and i did new art! (dylan sleeping 7 hours is giving me renewed energy! wheeee!):

i enjoyed doing these sisters a lot, the beige/ pinky salmony colours were just lovely to work with;

and some new whimsy art;

all originals are still for sale! (msg me if you're interested) and prints can be had too! check out my etsy shop for prints (although the pink girls aren't up yet).

oh, just a quick reminder! if you want to buy a calendar and have it arrive before xmas pls order before 30th nov!! (thanks to all that have bought one so far!!) :)

ok, gotta go to bed now and hopefully have another 7 hour sleep with dylbee!!

hope everyone in the states had a lovely thanksgiving!
big hugs. x

masquerade mask, willowing calendar and xmas cards! :0)

2009-11-18T11:25:00.000-08:00

hellooo! :D

so, here is my latest youtube art video in which i make a masquerade mask!

it is for sale in my etsy shop!

and as promised, here is info on the calendar and xmas cards!

BUY A WILLOWING 2010 ART CALENDAR!

PRODUCED FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME! :-) yay! I'm so excited!

This calendar is an exclusive calendar which contains a
whopping 22 images of my most popular paintings!
(I will only be producing this calendar once, next year will be another one)

Its simple and sleek design will fit nicely in any home, office or bedroom!
(Scroll down for images & behind the cut)

10% of each sale goes to "Friends of the Earth" a UK based charity that aims to;

"Make life better for people by inspiring solutions to environmental problems"

www.foe.co.uk

Order before 30th November to receive this calendar in time for Christmas!
(pls allow for 2-3 weeks for delivery as I take pre-orders first before ordering a big batch)

Any orders after 30th November may not arrive in time for Christmas,
but will definitely reach you in January!

Buy Now!
£20 + Shipping

-front cover-
(pls note; box will not appear around title!)

Size: 21cm x 28cm (approx. A4 or 12" X 8")
Paper: 250gsm premium card
Pages: 13 pages
Layout: Month-by-month view
Bind: Spiral bound
Art Images: 22 images

When the year is finished you can cut out the images, frame them and hang them up or use them as postcards!

(pls note; box will not appear around wording under images)

aaaand i now sell xmas cards! i created these 5 little xmas girls especially for this year's xmas! packs are sold in sets of 5 or 10. if you want to order many more, email me; tam [at] willowing [dot] org

you can buy them HERE

i'm also doing some special xmas offers in my shop! you can buy multiple prints for reduced prices!

and here endeth the xmas offer announcements! :) x

reasons why i love life

2009-11-17T06:54:00.001-08:00

.reasons why i love life.

the expansive feeling i get when driving in a car with andy and dylan, the music on loud, darkness outside, streetlights going by. unsweetened apricot jam on crunchy warm toasty bread. fluttering butterfly wings and bumblebees on lavender branches. soft andy beard hair tickles on my cheek's skin. dylan's beautifully rounded button nosey. clay on my fingers. messy mixed media layer art. the excitement that comes from new artistic ideas bubbling up on the inside. dylan's heavy, warm, sleepy body sleeping on me and his curled up legs. vanilla perfume scent sprayed all over me. rain showers. packages in the mail. making clay puppets. autumn smells. fake fights with andy. compassionate friends. daddy & dylan over the sea songs. finding inspiration in beautiful children's books. orange, brown, red, golden and yellow autumn leaves. percussion. compassionate heart connections. feeling cosy inside while violent rain storms rage outside. making smoked tofu with avocado and pine kernel salads. finding and using new art supplies. crisp winter days with bright blue skies. roasted chestnuts. snow. soft windy breezes. sparkles & glitters. purple little whales. kindness. topaz, lapis lazuli and rose quartz. little clay birdies. floral patterned fabric and felt. the way dylan looks ecstatic when he breastfeeds and his soft, porcelain skin. tree bark. laughter like bells. andy's care, compassion, kindness and love. soft kisses. preparing and sending packages to customers. soft graphite pencils. basil. nonviolent communication and its potential and power. scissors. heartshaped everythings. gustav klimt. the beaches on ko nang yuan. dylan's eyelashes. finding freedom in the present moment. unconditional love. a busker playing an irish folk song on a violin in hove.

***
we're moving! :-) we found a 3 bedroom semi-detached house in brighton (a little more inland than we are now). it has a huge garden with a pink blossom tree in it, the rooms are spacious and the living room is big too. we're so excited! it will give us a lot more space than we have now and we really need it with dylan who brings so much stuff with him!

otherwise, sleeping has been very tough in the last week and a half. even though he's now 13 weeks (nearly 3 months old), he's actually become worse sleep wise! they say that babies tend to sleep for longer in the nights roundabout this time, but dylan's has become worse! for the last week and half he's woken up every 2 hours! it's really tough when that happens. i can cope with 2-3 days of that, but more really means i walk around like the living dead. last night he did a stretch of 3.5 hours which was encouraging, but it may just have been a fluke again. we'll have to see. andy helps out here and there feeding him formula, but we don't want to do that too often, particularly now that he's just had his 2nd set of vaccinations. i want the breastmilk to help boost his immune system ... so we go on. it'll change, i know. so i'm too down about it. :-)

***
i've also been going through a phase in which all the suffering in the world just really gets to me. i couldn't even watch the news without bursting into tears reading about boys raping boys, then; children with leukemia, people being murdered, suffering in asia etc. at times, i just don't know what to do with this information and can get quite down because of it. i feel so helpless and incapable of changing it.

byron katie & eckhart tolle helps with this though, a lot. last night i had a real clarity moment; when i read about children with leukemia and i don't want them to have leukemia, i suffer because i resist reality. that way, i cause more suffering on top of the suffering that already exists which is useless and only makes the world a more miserable place. if i accept reality, i am in a place of strength, calm, love and acceptance and can do a lot more to alleviate other people's suffering.

***

i've done some new art in misty mawn-esque style, i'm on her current course which is inspiring. so far no new techniques for me though, but that's cool, i enjoy just being on her course to see how she melds all her work together, i look forward to when she's going to add portraits.

i also took this macro shot of dylan's beautiful face yesterday which i just love! ->

and, i've been making little clay sculptures which i've enjoyed doing, but must admit; painting on rounded surfaces is much harder than on flat!! :D

i have also been making a masquerade mask! but i'll only show one pic of it because i'm doing an art video of it and don't want to spoil all the fun! :D

pretty no? to me it looks venetian. :-)

lastly, i am now selling a willowing 2010 art calendar (10% of each sale goes to the charity; 'friends of the earth') and willowing christmas cards! but i will be doing a separate blog post announcement for those soon. if you want to take a peek in the mean time clicky on the links.

big love to everyone out there.

♥

the science of motivation

2009-11-08T04:05:00.001-08:00

finally someone who speaks out on how punishment and rewards stifle creativity and work as limiting! this is one of the reasons why we will NOT use mumbo like star charts/ punishment and rewards for Dylan.

this video looks at what motivates people from the angle of business & economy, but is also relevant to the human spirit and what it is we all really need in life.

to read about this from a parenting perspective, read anything by Alfie Kohn, in particular his heavily researched book: Punished by Rewards

bear mama, starchild

2009-11-01T13:53:00.000-08:00

by; susan seddon boulet

this is how i feel; i am like a ferocious and strong, beautiful, huge bear using my massive paws to protect this miraculous, starchild. he; like a bright light in the dark, me; a force, strong, powerful, my sole purpose; to love, caress, care for this child of light.

***

oh hai! it is i, mummy tam, boob machine, milk producer, lover of dylan, lover of andy, keeper of a huge heart full of love, artist, pram pusher, rain watcher, autumn leaf admirer, silly song singer, smiler, luckiest lady in the world. ♥

the above painting really speaks to me. i love the mysticism in it and the magical style. i might try paint something in susan's style. wow, she made amazing paintings.

so, what's up with tam? well, dylan slept his first 6 hour stretch this week! it was a one off so far, but i'm keeping my fingers crossed that it may continue. i've been told that when babies reach 3 months old stuff changes! for one they tend to sleep for longer periods at night, and for two their digestive system will have matured and they won't be bothered by gas so much any more. so i'm eagerly awaiting his 12 week birthday which will be monday a week!

this week was mostly a really really rough week, most nights he just kept waking up every hour or so, on top of that, i got some bad rheumatism flare ups which make the nights even harder because my shoulders, arms and hands are in real pain. i can hardly pick him up then. so i'm watching my food intake (certain foods can trigger RA) now and that seems to make a bit of a difference, but, like babies, RA is also unpredictable. if the flare ups continue i'll have to talk to the rheumatologist for a new cocktail of meds. there is one other meds i can try which is ok while breastfeeding.

i took a load of beautiful macro shots of his little face and hands yesterday;

i've also done a new piece of art inspired by tascha & danita type whimsical girls;

i call it; "fly free little birdie"

as i was mucking about with my macro lens i took some macro close ups of this piece of art which i love, because you can really see the texture & "bumpiness" (ha) of the paint in some of them;

i love the little shoesies i did! ee! :D

other things i'm excited about.

has commissioned me to make a painting for his girlfriend for xmas! :) i look forward to creating this painting as they have big lovely fur family and snails too! :D

and, i have signed up for an online art class with misty mawn whose work i've admired for quite some time now. i hope to learn a few new mixed media techniques.

i'm also excited about rhomany's 2 courses, 1 is a coptic binding course in which you learn to bind your own book! and the other is a new art journalling course which she's running on my ning site; www.willowing.ning.com (people can still sign up btw) with the aim to make a 'soul book'. the coptic binding one is an ongoing one and you can still join that too, it's run over here; www.debcompany.ning.com

even though dylan is either attached or on top of me most of the day, i manage to do bits of art here and there and i've been making cute little clay statues, but none of them are finished quite yet, here are pics of them in progress;

sooo, that's me for a while, here endeth the mammoth art post. hope everyone is well, i know i'm not around much, but having a nearly 3 month old baby is taking up about 80% of my day! :D (and i'm lovin' it!)

remember, i'm on twitter & facebook; willowing

big love.
♥

willowing - halloween edition!

2009-10-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

"halloween"
mixed media on watercolour paper
12x8"

original sold
prints still available ($15 + shipping)

aaaaand the accompanying NEW ART VIDEO!! :-) yayyyyy, haven't done one is soooo long! hope you enjoy! x

***

other news. :)

life is still a blur of baby dylan. we're slowly but surely coming out of that a bit, i can do a bit of art here and there, go out where we can, but most projects and attempts to tidy the house, or even shower, don't make it far on the list of priorities. funny anecdote; i've been trying to make my own thai fishermen trousers for the last 3-4 weeks now. on the floor, in the living room lie several bits of old thai fishermen's trousers strewn all over the place and a roll of pattern paper onto which i managed to trace 3 out of the 7 parts that i need. eheh. that i a good illustration of how life is with baby; you don't get anything done. or if you do; a project that usually takes 2 days, now takes 4 weeks! even writing emails or blog posts can take several hours, if not days!!

but, did i tell you; it's all so worth it! ♥

this creature, this being, it lives, breathes, gurgles, poos, coos and has now started smiling; and there isn't anything that has ever made me more happy in life! (that is not to say that i don't hope for a bit more art time etc, but all in good time, all in good time!). :D

last night was hard, as he's having gripe and tummy aches again, hardly got any sleep!! but andy looked after dylan in the morning for a bit and i got an extra 3 hours! seamless teamwork i tell ya! ;)

so, i'm still and mostly occupied by this new being, and for most of the time loving it. the thing that is the saddest is when he's in pain and i can't do much about it! but i've been told when they hit 3 months their digestive system will have matured and then pooing or gass isn't such an ordeal anymore! so another 2.5 weeks and he should be a bit happier! (fingers crossed).

here a few more pics and a vid of him this morning!

big love to you all.

♥

oh ps. now that we have dylan, i can't update my blog as often, but i update a lot more frequently on twitter (which gets forwarded to facebook), they are mini updates with lots of little pics and videos!

so for those who want to receive more frequent tam/ dylan updates;

http://www.twitter.com/willowing
http://www.facebook.com/willowing

xxoxx

☠ and a spookey goodbye to you! ☠ *muahahahaha*

ocean lady

2009-10-18T13:14:00.000-07:00

~ ocean lady ~
(mixed media on watercolour paper 12x8")

(original & prints for sale, email me; tam[at]willowing[dot]org)

***

i really enjoyed making this piece, it has several layers in it and i had fun working the texture paste; it is now properly textured! so much to see in the hair and on the side, also, i loved working with the colours blue and brown. when this piece started i was breastfeeding and the only crayons/ pencils in reach were a blue and brown hence the restriction, but i like the final result a lot! have always loved the combination of blue and brown. :)

new photiessss!!

2009-10-14T13:28:00.000-07:00

i love this picture of dylan and me:

and i love this one of him;

and and and, i've been dressing him/ us up for halloween (doing a halloween art vid!)

:D *grins*

more here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/willowing/

xoxo

katie does 'the work' with sauron, the dark lord, hee hee!

2009-10-14T03:35:00.002-07:00

hilarious! for anyone who's familiar with 'the work' by 'byron katie', this is so funny!

from bk's newsletter which can be read here: http://www.byronkatie.com/newsletter_oct09.html

Byron Katie does The Work with Sauron, the Dark Lord
by Tim Ray

Tim is my Danish translator. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

Dear Katie, I’m glad you like the spoof. Here’s how it came about. I’m a great Lord of the Rings fan and one night a few weeks ago I had this amazing dream. I dreamt that you were standing before one of the Black Riders (the Nazgul), who was looming ominously before you. Your response: ”Oh sweetheart, what a beautiful black dress! I love it!” The Black Rider then drew his big silver sword and advanced menacingly towards you. Your response: ”Oh wow, what a beautiful silver sword! And look at those beautiful symbols!” The Black Rider then pierced your heart with the sword, the blood came gushing out. Your response was: ”Oh wow, how wonderful, you’re killing me. So beautiful and all the blood… Oh sweeetheart…” And then I woke up and wrote the spoof.

I guess the The Work is really penetrating into the deepest reaches of my subconscious now. That’s what you get for translating A Thousand Names for Joy!
Blessings, Tim

BK: So, sweetheart, read what you wrote on your Worksheet.

Sauron: This is really hard for me.

BK: I know, honey, and I admire your courage. So let’s hear it.

Sauron: I am frustrated and angry at all the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth - the elves, the dwarves, the men, and those annoying little hobbits, not to mention Gandalf the White and his fellowship - for consistently opposing my plans to become Lord of Middle-Earth. They should realize that I am the Master of the World and bow down to me. They should be my slaves. They should worship me and give me love, approval and appreciation. I want them to see that I am the greatest. They are weak, stupid, annoying, irritating. I never ever want to experience them rebelling against my plans again.

BK: So basically, that’s about it.

Sauron: [Laughing] I’m sure there’s more. But I ran out of space. This thing with the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth has been bugging me for thousands of years. In fact, ever since those blasted Numenoreans landed on the shores of Middle-Earth…

BK: I hear you. Okay, so let’s do the Work. Let’s look at what you’ve written, sweetheart. I heard you say that “they should realize that you are the Master of the World”.

Sauron: Yes.

BK: So “They should realize that you are the Master of the World” – is that true? [To the audience] See if you can find the place in yourself where you believe that someone in your life should realize that you are the Master of the World and bow down to you and worship you and do exactly what you want them to do. It could be someone you knew a long time ago or someone you know today. So, sweetheart, “They should realize that you are the Master of the World” – is that true?

Sauron: [Fuming] Yes!

BK: You answered so quickly.

Sauron: Yes, they should all bow down to me and realize that I am the Master of Middle-Earth!

BK: I hear you. And can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Sauron: [After a pause] Well…

BK: Well? What’s the reality of it, sweetheart? Do the elves bow down to you and say that you are the Master of the World?

Sauron: No.

BK: The hobbits? The dwarves? The Dunedain? And what about Gandalf the Wizard? Does he bow down to you and realize that you are the Master of the World?

Sauron: [sighs] No.

BK: So “They should realize that you are the Master of the World” – how do you react when you believe that thought?

Sauron: I get furious, angry, frustrated. I release my armies of darkness – the Black Riders, the orcs, the trolls, the werewolves and the bats on all the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth. I start a war and burn, hack, destroy, annihilate. It’s like my whole being is consumed by darkness. I get very focused and lose sight of everything else. It’s like I have only One Eye of malice, bent on destroying anything and everything that doesn’t do my will.

BK: Yes, sweetheart. The mind has a job. And that’s to give us all the stories that prove that what it thinks is true.

Sauron: It’s really quite horrible. I build all these defenses around myself, impenetrable walls of steel and mountains of horror. No one can get in or out. And yet all the time doubt keeps gnawing at my heart. What if someone really great and powerful, like Gandalf or Saruman or Aragorn or Galadriel gets a hold of the One Ring? That really worries me.

BK: Yes, I hear you sweetheart. So, whose business are you in when you believe the thought “They should realize that I am the Master of the World”?

Sauron: I can see that I’m mentally in their business.

BK: And how has that worked for you so far?

Sauron: It’s really quite hopeless. I’ve been trying for hundreds and thousands of years to bend them to my will. But they just won’t do it. I devised the One Ring to rule them all, but then they formed that blasted Last Allegiance of Elves and Men. And Isildur cut the Ring off my finger and I had to go into hiding for thousands of years. It was really depressing. And now the same thing is happening all over again. The One Ring has been found and I can’t seem to get a hold of it. The Riders of Rohan are proving more and more tenacious than I thought. Minas Tirith is still going strong. And the other day I realized that an heir of Isildur is still alive with the sword of Elendil reforged. That really worries me. I have trouble sleeping at night. I’ve started taking Valium. But none of it really works. It’s like a living nightmare.

BK: Yes. So can you find one stress-free reason to keep the thought?

Sauron: No.

BK: So, who would you be without the thought “They should realize that I am the Master of the World”?

Sauron: [After a pause] Hm. It’s… like a blank. I mean, I’ve been so used to that thought that it’s, you know, I really don’t know.

BK: So close your eyes for a moment. See Gandalf, Aragorn, the elves, the hobbits, the dwarves, the riders of Rohan, all the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth, just as they are. And you cannot believe the thought “They should realize that I am the Master of the World”. What do you see?

Sauron: [Taking a deep breath] Well, first of all I would realize that they don’t realize that I am the Master of the World. They just don’t. Never have and probably never will.

BK: I would drop the “probably”!

Sauron: Yes. And I would see that trying to get them to realize that I am the Master of the World is hopeless. So that would be a huge load off my back. Just seeing reality. And then I would be more realistic. I wouldn’t stress myself so hard all the time, constantly doing battle with reality. It feels more peaceful.

BK: So “They should realize that I am the Master of the World” – turn it around.

Sauron: They should not realize that I am the Master of the World.

BK: Okay, so give me three examples of where they should not realize that you are the Master of the World. Three genuine examples, and make them as specific as you can. [To the audience] I invite all of you to do this as well. [To Sauron] So, give me three specific, genuine examples.

Sauron: Well, at the Battle of the Pelennor Fields they sure as hell didn’t realize that I was the Master of the World! I mean none of them – the Dunedain of Gondor, the Rangers of the North, the Riders of Rohan, the sons of Elrond, I mean the list goes on and on.

BK: My goodness!

Sauron: And way back when the Valar, you know the Lords of the West, sent the Five Wizards – Gandalf, Saruman, Radagast and so on to help the Free Peoples in their struggle against me. The Valar sure didn’t think I was the Master of the World back then either.

BK: My goodness!

Sauron: And Saruman, that spineless worm, trying to get a hold of the One Ring himself and proclaim himself Master of Middle-Earth…

BK: That’s amazing.

Sauron: [Laughs] It’s amazing that I didn’t see something so obvious before!

BK: That’s what the mind does. It believes its story and then it finds all the proof. And in the end it can only see what it believes to be true, even though it isn’t. Okay, sweetheart, can you find another turnaround?

Sauron: I should realize that I am the Master of the World.

BK: Yes. And how are you doing in that department?

Sauron: [After a long pause] Well, I can see that actually I myself have some serious doubts in that department. Because, I mean hey, if I am really the Master of the World why can’t I get Gandalf and his lot to bow down to me and do what I want!

BK: Ah, you are good, sweetheart! So “You are the Master of the World” – is that true?

Sauron: [Starts to cry] No.

BK: And consider how you react when you believe that thought.

Sauron: It’s hopeless, hopeless. I mean I am totally in everybody else’s business, constantly trying to get them to do what I want. And it’s wearing me out. I don’t even have a physical body anymore. I’m just this one horrible lidless eye. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. Mordor is a total mess – it’s no wonder they call it The Land of Shadow. All my employees have this total love-hate relationship with me. The orcs both worship and loathe me. Not to mention the elves and the dwarves. It’s pure hell.

BK: Who would you be without the thought “I am the Master of the World”?

Sauron: I would just give up. Give up the hopeless struggle to try to control other people. End the war. Close down the Dark Land of Mordor and Mount Doom. Let all the orcs and Black Riders and trolls go their own way. And then I think I would just go into retirement for a while. Walk in the fair woods of Lothlorien and smell the leaves and the wind, maybe go to the sea. Just watch and notice how I am not the Master of anything. How everything is doing just fine without me. But I have to admit I am little worried that after all the insanity, murder and destruction I’ve committed over the last thousands of years, it won’t be easy just to take a stroll in the wood or by the sea.

BK: Well, sweetheart, if you’re really serious about your freedom and peace of mind, there’s a quick route called “making amends”. Making amends means to right your wrongs. So turn the thought around.

Sauron: I am not the Master of the World.

BK: Could that be as true or truer?

Sauron: It seems much truer now.

BK: So, give me three genuine examples of how the turnaround is as true as or truer than your original statement.

Sauron: Well, I’ve tried for thousands of years now and I still can’t control the wind, the ocean, the sun and the moon. They just do what they do with or without my interference.

BK: Good, that’s one.

Sauron: Heck, I can’t even control my own slaves! You have no idea what a logistics nightmare it is to command tens of thousands of brain-dead orcs!

BK: Good that you’re noticing!

Sauron: And then there’s that slimy little creature Gollum. You have no idea how much I tortured him to get him to tell me the location of the One Ring, but he still wouldn’t budge. Talk about frustrating!

BK: Excellent, sweetheart. Make amends, make it right. And I see another turnaround.

Sauron: I am… the servant of the world?

BK: Yes. How are you the servant of the world?

Sauron: Well, what comes to mind is that without the thought “I am the Master of the World” I could actually be of service to the world. I mean, I am after all one of the Maia, at least as powerful or more powerful than Gandalf or Saruman or the Balrog or even Tom Bombadil. I can actually do pretty neat things when my mind is not hell-bent on destruction. You know, build things and make magic rings and stuff. I guess I could use those talents and skills for some more constructive purpose.

BK: It’s good that you’re noticing. So how can you use your specific talents and skills to serve the world – to serve the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth?

Sauron: Well, the first thing that comes to mind is that I have quite a bit of clean-up to do! You know, repairing the great gate and walls of Minas Tirith, cleaning up Osgiliath and Minas Morgul – or Minas Anor. There’s a lot of work to be done in Rohan as well and up north by the Lonely Mountain.

BK: Seems like you could be busy for quite a while making amends!

Sauron: Yes, And I could let Gandalf and the White Council destroy the One Ring, so that the other rings would no longer be enslaved to it and could do some more good in the world. Although that would probably mean the end of a lot of my negative power, since I put so much of that power into the One Ring.

BK: Well, what do you need all that negative power for if everything is going on quite fine without you?

Sauron: [Laughs] You have a point there. And it would be such a load off my shoulders.

BK: Yes. And isn’t that what you wanted to be Lord of the World for anyway? So you could sit down one day and take a deep breath and enjoy life?

Sauron: [Sighs deeply] Yes. You know I’ve never told anyone about this, but secretly I’ve thought a lot about joining D-Anon lately.

BK: D-Anon?

Sauron: Dictators Anonymous. I heard about it from Darth Vader. He’s been doing The Work and going to their meetings for quite a while. He says it’s really worked wonders for him. His breathing is a lot better now.

BK: Dictators Anonymous – I love it! Okay, sweetheart, let’s move on. Read the next statement on your Worksheet.

Sauron: The Free Peoples of Middle-Earth should worship me – and give me love, approval and appreciation. Man, that statement just seems totally absurd now! I mean, first I kill, murder, destroy and annihilate their people and their country – and then I expect them to give me love, approval and appreciation! Talk about insane!

BK: It’s good that you’re noticing. Turn the thought around.

Sauron: I should worship me and give me love, approval and appreciation.

BK: Yes, honey. That’s your job.

Sauron: It doesn’t feel like I’m doing a very good job.

BK: How can you? How can you give yourself love, approval and appreciation if you’re so busy minding every elf, dwarf and hobbit in Middle-Earth’s business?

Sauron: Phew. That one is a stinger. But so true. In a way I think that’s the reason why I tried to control them all along. Because I wanted their love, approval and appreciation.

BK: I often say that if I had one prayer it would be this: “God spare me from the desire for love, approval and appreciation”. Because this belief is the direct route to the hell of a false identity.

Sauron: It sure was for me.

BK: Let’s look at the next statement.

Sauron: The Free Peoples of Middle-Earth are weak, stupid, annoying, irritating.

BK: Turn it around.

Sauron: I am weak, stupid, annoying, irritating. That’s so true! I mean they’re all just doing fine minding their own business in Hobbiton and Minas Tirith and Rivendell and then I come raising hell. Saying that I am stupid, annoying and irritating is the understatement of the century!

BK: Yes, I can see that.

Sauron: And being such a control freak has definitely made me weak. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I don’t even have a body, I’m constantly worried, and I obsess.

BK: Yes. Okay, honey, the next statement?

Sauron: I never ever want to experience the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth rebelling against my plans again.

BK: So now, “I’m willing to…”

Sauron: I’m willing to…

BK: “… experience…”

Sauron: … the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth rebelling against my plans again.

BK: “I look forward to…”

Sauron: I look forward to the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth rebelling against my plans again. Whoa! That’s radical!

BK: Yes. Because when you believe and feel that – and feeling will let you know what you’re believing – then you can put your thoughts on paper and begin again to question your negative beliefs.

Sauron: Okay.

BK: Thank you, sweetheart, it’s been a privilege to sit with you. Nice Work.

Sauron: Thank you so much, Katie.

BK: For my part, you’re welcome. For your part, thank you.

latest from dylan land! :-)

2009-10-03T05:45:00.000-07:00

i'm having an actual conversation with dylan in this video! (lol, it's so funny how he kept responding each time i asked something!).

and here some pics taken with iphone so crap quality but you get a good peek into our world:

many more pics can be found here: http://twitpic.com/photos/willowing

***

all is going well! dylan had a few rough days with bad stomach cramps/ gripe/ colic, but is much better now, we're sleeping for longer and i'm actually having 'proper' days! like, i can do stuff and go places, yay!

i love this baby so so much. it's so amazing to have this new being in our lives. every day i wake up with this huge love in my heart and i just stare at him in awe. ♥

i've missed doing art though! but now that dylan is getting more settled, i see that starting up again too yay!

i had some time to do a little bit of sewing yesterday and day before and made this little tiger babooshka:

i filled him with dried lavender so he smells all nice now! :)

other than that; life is beautiful.

♥

little boy blue

2009-09-25T05:43:00.000-07:00

i sorta suck at poetry, but wrote this, for my child, inspired by neil gaiman's 'blueberry girl' poem for tori amos' baby and some influence by joni mitchell's 'little green' song in there as well. :)

Little Boy Blue (17 days old)

This love, it is incredible.
This love, it is immeasurable.

You fell from the sky,
came through me
like a gift from the stars.

With skin made of silk,
bird sounds and a wink
like light reflected in time.

Gurgles and burbles
and bubbles and angels
sleeps and deep sighs
kisses and rainbows.

Little tiny fingers,
soft fleecy blankets
blue teddy bears
and woolly white top hats.

You opened a portal
right into my soul,
this love, my love,
it made something whole.

Your small warm body
lies on my chest
curled up in a ball
like a round Easter egg.

May no harm ever befall you,
may life to you be kind.
May you find love, compassion
and humour. Most importantly;
may you find peace of soul and mind.

I wish you hot chocolates
in snowy winters, and bunny shaped clouds.
I wish you moonbeams, falling stars
and ethereal beauty, day in and day out.

I hope you will find your voice,
your truth, your river of bliss.
I hope you will dance to the rhythm
of life and enjoy its subtle but beautiful kiss.

May mermaids visit you in your dreams,
and may you find a kaleidoscope of friends
may laughter befall you until you hurt,
and may anger be something you transcend.

Maybe you’ll ride horses in the summer,
Maybe you’ll skate the ice of a purple lake,
Maybe you’ll play golf with your father.
Maybe you’ll enjoy baking cheesecakes.

You might like to run like the wind,
or to sing songs from the heart,
You might like sailing the oceans
or study whimsical art.

There’ll be peanut butter and ice cream,
basketball and cricket games.
Sunrises, fresh grass and little houses,
and happy journeys on yellowish trains.

May your feet walk gentle paths,
may you grow from sorrow and pain,
may your mouth speak feelings freely,
may your skin bask in drizzly rain.

I hope you’ll notice the small things,
like the bright green light
in the hollow of tree leaves.
And the beetle working hard
and the ant with its mighty colony.

I hope for you that your heart will soar
more than once in this stunning life.
I hope for you that you can go explore
the magical places on this earth so bright.

You fell from the sky,
came through me
like a gift from the stars.

A love inexplicable
has swallowed me whole.
You are our entire world,
you have lit up my soul.

TWL

wuzzah intarwebs! :-)

2009-09-20T05:54:00.001-07:00

life is a beautiful yet tiring blur of unpredictable events at the moment. just when i am about to utter the words; "wow, a bit of 'normality' seems to have set back in", i find that before i can even finish that sentence, something new and unpredictable occurs which means that, clearly, 'normality' is still a while away yet. :-)

dylan is a dream! a loud, stinky, hungry, cranky dream, at times, but a dream nonetheless. this burbling, gurgling creature has totally turned our worlds upside down, but in such an amazingly beautiful way. he's sleeping on my chest as i write this, and the softness and warmth of him fills me with such tenderness, it's hard to describe.

the poor thing has been suffering from 'gripe', windy, gassy bits in his tummy, and sometimes he cries so hard, it's as if he's being stabbed in the stomach with a knife i tell you!! we got some infacol drops now though and they seem to help! pfew. i had a few days/ nights where all he did was either cry insanely or feed, so it was impossible for me to sleep!

luckily he has now settled a bit, so attempts at sleeping have resumed! i keep being amazed at how well i can function on so little and interrupted sleep.

another fun thing is that i feel a lot more confident now to go out in public and breastfeed him if needed. this means i'm much more free to do stuff and go places. this way we're not just stuck in the house all the time. it's really fun to go places with him and to experiment with where and how far we can go.

so, we are well, but still completely consumed by and caught up in the whirlwind of 'da baby force' (DBF), everything in my life, presently, is 'baby baby baby' apart from a bit of package sending here and there occasionally and watching the new seasons of my fav tv programs!

the other thing that andy and i really have to get used to is; no longer being each other's centers of attention. before dylan was here, we each used to direct our dedicated love and attention solely and 100% on each other and now ... even though andy works from home as well; we HARDLY get to see each other or spend time with each other! it's crazy. we do a lot of talking and processing to make sure we stay connected, but man; it isn't easy!!

i find it hilarious to think that some couples have a baby to mend a broken relationship"! if anything, a baby, in my view, can put a real strain on a really good relationship! i don't know how people who are not as 'solid' as andy and i do it! i consider us to have really excellent communication skills, but even our relationship got tested quite a bit!

another side effect of having been pregnant is the weight gain! though i've already lost 2 stone (or about 12kgs since his birth) i am still well overweight and it's bugging me. the rational side of me keeps saying to just be patient and kind and loving to myself about it all, but the triggered side of me can get pretty depressed about it and wants to go on crash diets (that don't work anyway) and aren't healthy for baby and me while breastfeeding. i am very triggered by my own body image issues (stemming from deep childhood trauma) and really want to just 'love myself as is' and practise awareness and self acceptance, but it isn't easy, so that is something i'm struggling with as well (btw, pls no tips on weight loss or whatever, i appreciate your intention, but they'll only trigger me more, empathy on this one will do! :-)).

anyhoo, i sort of fleet in and out of struggling with that one. i'll have many happy 'unbothered by it' days and then get all depressed again, c'est la vie i suppose, i keep processing it with nvc and andy which does help, a lot!

i'm gearing up to making a new youtube art vid! dylan is getting into longer sleeping patterns, which means i should have some art time, yay! i have missed that. i'm about to buy a better camera too, will likely be a panasonic! and i'm mentally preparing for my next portrait course! i'm also thinking of running a 'world of whimsy II' which should be much fun! :D

weird, i just heard a parrot sound outside! mmh. it's like being back in sl. ha.

sooo, that's me for a bit! hope everyone is well!

remember that i update much more frequently on twitter if you're interested!

http://www.twitter.com/willowing

big love.
♥

quicky update!

2009-09-17T14:39:00.000-07:00

been trying to write a post for DAYS now, but keep not finding the time! :)

i update my twitter regularly though and also my twitvid and flickr with pics, just don't have the time to post here!

so, if you're interested (i know some of you are deadbored with it now!) in following my mini updates about the gurgles and boogles of a new mum with newborn, follow me here:

for quick live updates: http://www.twitter.com/willowing
for quick iphone photies: http://www.twitpic.com/photos/willowing
for little iphone videos: http://www.twitvid.com/videos/willowing
for 'higher quality photos': http://www.flickr.com/willowing

i WILL manage to update here soooon! :)

in the mean time; the bear necessities! ;)

wahay, it's tam.

2009-09-09T15:49:00.000-07:00

in other, non-dylan related news (is there really such a thing now? ;P)

1. i'm looking forward to the last episode of true blood! i thoroughly enjoyed this season, more than season 1 in fact. one thing that doesn't make sense to me though, is this 'sudden rule' of; 'if you drink a vampire's blood you fall in 'lust' with them'; isn't "v" being sold all the time? and when jason stackhouse with that crazy girlfriend of his drank that vamp's blood and kept him tied up in the cellar, he didn't fall in lust with that guy at all! (or does the blood have to come 'straight from the vampire' so to speak for it to have this attraction effect on one? ie; if you drink it from a bottle no such effects?). so i'm bemused by this new rule (if it is new) so that they can dream up some sort of something between sookie and eric (although i do like where that is going, bill, to be frank, sort of annoys me, the way he's so 'obedient' to eric, so i sorta like the idea of sookie and eric getting together -ish). loving loving LOVING lafayette!! he's by far my fav character, and i'm liking jason more and more. while in season 1 all he did was have boring sex with anything that moved; this season we learn that jason can actually string sentences together and do more than merely hump ... love sam as well and jeesh that marianne woman is scary as hell! wonder how it will all end.

2. i'm also looking forward to the next couple of months because all my fav tv shows are starting again, i know, i know pretty sad, but these shows really help me 'switch off'. my poor crazy brain just runs marathons on a daily basis, and it's nice to switch off once in a while! :) so, grey's, house, the office, lost (later i know), dollhouse, fringe, bring it on! :)

3. i was so very pissed off about this whole 'let's attack the NHS' saga earlier this august. but because i was busy with giving birth and all that wasn't able to give it enough attention. the NHS, though it has its flaws, is amazing in my opinion. i have had excellent care since i've moved to england. same for the dutch healthcare system; also very good. wishing the americans that are against healthcare reform would be less afraid of change and more informed about how the system really doesn't threaten what they think it threatens, it only means that everyone can get healthcare, not just people with money or ok insurances, and it means that your receiving health care won't be driven by or decided upon by capitalism, nor will insurance companies try their all to avoid paying your medical bills etc. you can still have social healthcare AND private on top. anyhoo, i know this topic has been discussed to death, but just wanted to say this about it. : )

4. below 3 pieces of art i did the day before dylan was born! haven't done any art since! well, apart from creating a human, of course! ;) hoping to do some new art soon, dylan is starting to get into sleeping patterns that may allow for some art! yay!

this is inspired by the character of 'ophelia' before she drowned. the lyrics are by natalie merchant, song 'ophelia'.

so funny, i did this one also the day before dylan was born, and i think the little baby actually looks a bit like him! we have a green wrap for him hence the colour of the wrap in the painting too! :)

there is a lot of brayer action in the above 3 pieces, i was so enjoying the vague/ transparent-esque effects!

5. we ordered an awesome new bed last week (super king size) with a kickass new mattress (2000 springs) and it's arriving tomorrow! we can hardly contain our excitement! yes yes this be true domestic bliss!

ok, i said it was a non-dylan-ie post, but can't resist posting a few new pics! :) xx

he loves sleeping on my chest!

dylan's funny face!

now off to try get some sleep in batches of 2.5 to 3 hours! x

ta-ra me fluff bubblies. ;)

deeply moved

2009-09-08T13:08:00.001-07:00

when dylan was born, my favourite teacher from high school (and later on; friend), sent me the below email. i used to babysit his first child, mieke, from when she was 3 years old, she is now about to be 21 and going to her 3rd year in university! he taught us Dutch in the most original and engaging way. everyone loved him as a teacher, in many ways i saw him as a surrogate father as well. :)

i was so so incredibly moved by his email;

"Dear Dylan,

Welcome in this world!

You seem to be a very punctual guy, arriving on the due date. We have been kept in the know by Mieke – our own firstborn and a longtime friend of your mother. Every day she would check Tamara’s website and let us know the latest. About half an hour ago she let out a joyful sound and we knew you were among us.

I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting your father, but your mother was a student of mine in high school. She was the queen of the school, always a central presence whenever something interesting happened (film nights, school concerts, an exhibit of paintings, a trip to London or Prague). She understood new teachers needed support, welcoming nervous me when it turned out I was the only teacher who had bought a ticket for one of the film shows she and her gang were presenting.

Tamara is someone you trust instinctively. She does that to people. She cared for Mieke, she cared for me one day when I was very ill and she simply has a boundless amount of attention, of life. She will be a great mother. She will do crazy and very talented things, and you should always be paying very close attention.

Greet her for me, will you? Greet your father as well. You are two very lucky guys indeed.

With warm wishes for you from Alkmaar,

Frank"

life with a newborn ♥

2009-09-06T11:29:00.000-07:00

a very quick update!

exhausted, elated, tired, in love, sweaty, amazed, achy, in awe, sick with cystitis and flu, full of bliss, sleep deprived, amused.

i'm all boobs and breasts; in the house i sort of walk around with them hanging out pretty much permanently! i is da milkmachine! dylan is drinking like there is no tomorrow, he is drunk and stoned on milk most of the time. he poops, pees, wees, snores (or snorKs as i like to say!), makes cute little gurgle noises and screams his little lungs out at times. he's starting to understand that nights = for sleeps and days = for wakes, sort of. he's growing! i'm amazed at looking at the pictures from when he was just born. he's 20 days now and already quite a bit bigger! he enjoys sitting in the sling and daddy is super soother, if he's unhappy or crying andy holds him and he goes quiet, the only way i can soothe him is by pushing a boob in his mouth, ha ha.

i am exhausted and sick with a runny nose and cystitis which is a problem. obviously being sleep deprived doesn't help the healing process, so again; trying to get as much sleep as possible, but it's not working quite yet.

andy is also sleep deprived, but we have a system whereby he can get a bit more sleep. i like it when he's a bit more lucid and 'strong' than i am during the day. :-)

i miss everyone here, but am so engrossed in this little baby and have so little time to write online! however, when i breastfeed i catch up on twitter and lj quite a bit, i don't always reply, but i read most posts!

big hugs!! xxx

these are a bit older, can't remember if i posted them already or not!

the universe is full of love <3

2009-08-25T18:16:00.000-07:00

so, had to catch up on some sleep for a few days! my parents arrived on friday and left again on monday. it was so lovely to have them here! they brought loads of gifts from family and friends in holland and they were just over the moon and so in love with dylan as well! but it meant that i couldn't sleep as much as i would've liked so i've been catching up over the last couple of days! 2 nights ago was a particularly hard night sleep-wise, dylan kept waking up every hour needing something or other, but andy and i have now devised a system! he sleeps at night, me during the day when dylan sleeps a lot too. it still doesn't mean i get anywhere near my 'normal' 8-9 hour sleep in 24 hours, but i sort of get a scattered 4 - 6 hours.

it's hilarious how in the past i would've been utterly disgruntled all day if i got anything less than 8 hours sleep a night, and now i cheer joyfully if i get another hour here and there, and i feel sooo refreshed after a 2 hour catnap. it's weird how the body [and mind] can adjust to new life circumstances that easily!

here some pics from when my parents were here:

the pics are grainy because i use a high ISO so i don't have to use the flash on him, don't want to startle him every time i take a pic. :)

he had a lost a bit of his birth weight when the midwife came to weigh him 2 days ago, but since then he's put on 40 grams, breastfeeding seem to be going well. the nipples hurt a little, but i've got good cream.

this new creature comes with an overwhelming feeling of responsibility and love, i keep looking and looking at him and have this incredible urge to preserve this incredible beauty and innocence that he's brought with him. with it also comes big huge feelings of fear. worry about all the things that *could* happen to him. it also connects me with all the suffering in the world, and all the babies that have the same kind of innocence and don't get the love and care that they need. it drives me crazy, this connecting to the suffering, i don't know why my brain/ system does it, call me a crazy empath! i try hard to be grounded and in the now, but it isn't easy. again, trying to be very zen, tolle about it, but mostly failing dismally! i think/ hope once this hormone crash is over i can be a bit more relaxed about his safety etc, for now, i'm just obsessed with 'protecting' him from everything!

i also have crazy dreams!! whenever i do sleep, i dream about scary things happening to dylan. clearly i have some fear processing to do!!

his facial expressions are HILARIOUS, sometimes, he'll be crying/ sleeping/ eating/ being etc, and out of nowhere he'll go really quiet with a really serious expression on his face and he starts to really look around and study things, and it's as if it suddenly hits him that he's 'on earth', it's like he suddenly has a flow of awareness/ consciousness coming through and as if he thinks to himself; "what the HELL? i was floating up in space only a week ago, and what the ... WHAT? what is this place?? WHERE AM I?! what are these big round things doing hovering over my head?!" and then he'll fall back into doing his usual crying/ eating/ sleeping thing. ha ha. but those moment of 'consciousness' bring with them hilarious facial expressions.

andy is doing well, adjusting to his role as a daddy and doing lots of beautiful daddy things. i miss him though! ha. of course we're together all the time, but all the focus is on baby dylan now and we don't get much 'together time', which we both miss, but i'm sure this will change when baby gets a bit sturdier and bigger. at the moment, all my focus is on him, i can't help myself! it's hard to actually take time away from dylan, i just don't want to, it makes me feel anxious.

we keep receiving gifts, cards, msgs, texts etc from so many wonderful people!! col! () thank YOU so much for your beautiful gifts! :) i am so so moved by all the things people are sending our way (be they material or emotional!), it's hard to put into words how overwhelmed i feel by all the love out there.

i think i had more to say, but my brain is scattered and i must try get some sleeps!

oh! some people have asked why we chose the names we chose for him!

well, both of us liked dylan as a name in general and we liked all the famous people we knew with the same name (bob dylan, dylan thomas, dylan moran) although he wasn't named after any of them! his middle names: james & ronald, is after our fathers. james is andy's dad, ronald is my [step] dad. i particularly wanted to name him after my dad as a way to acknowledge my dad who's often had 'inclusion' issues in my family as he was the step dad instead of the 'blood' dad. :)

so that's the story behind his names! mason is andy's last name. :)

big hugs and love to you all.

here another lil video of the little man: