The secret is out! :D

Eeeeee! We’re pregnant again! Crazy right? And this time round it happened aux naturale! (Some of you may know/ remember that Dylbee is an IVF baby). I never thought we’d manage naturally although no particular major problem was ever detected for us, we just didn’t conceive!

The funny thing was that after wavering from yes to no to yes to no on the subject on ‘shall we have another baby’, Andy and I finally decided to have another and met with the IVF clinic on 2nd of March discussing another embryo transfer not knowing that we were actually pregnant already at that point! :) How cool is that?

We are both really pleased and excited, it also feels a bit unreal and we’re in the very early stages yet. (We always tell instead of waiting 3 months as we figure we can use the support through the pain if something goes wrong). I keep forgetting that I’m pregnant again, ha ha! And, I’ve forgotten loads of things from the last pregnancy (like what you should avoid eating etc).

I am over the moon and I do hope it’s a girl this time as I would like to experience both a boy and girl child, but if it does turn out to be a boy it’ll be awesome too of course! :)

So, wish me luck with this new little one, my heart is full of love for him/her already. :D

Oh, been doing some digital uplifting creations! Here are they, hope they make you feel good about YOU today. Have a happy Sunday one and all. :) x

you are a beautiful child of the universe

don't be afraid of how awesome you are

doo doo doo

don't be afraid of how awesome you are

my love, strength and support go out to the people of japan

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My life, my art, my stars.

mother and daughter

Hello land o’ blogsies.

Where was I? Well, since I last blogded (it’s a word cus I say so ;)), stuff has happened which I would’ve liked to have blogded about, but no time. So much for updating once a week! Meh. Mooh. I’m gonna change Meh to Mooh, much more fun, that cow association. ;)

Ok, since I last wrote, Andy and I celebrated our 6 year anniversary on 16th February. I created a book for his birthday (in January) with contributions from all his friends, it is an awesome book. This was my contribution to the book. My everything about him him him, the love of my life. I wanted to share it here as he is a magic human and I want the world to know:

“Because”

Because you sing ‘Bommadee Bear’ with me on difficult car journeys to Ikea. Because you don’t mind cleaning my hair from the shower drain over and over and over again. Because you make me smile wide. Because you call me ‘grumpy little butterfly’ when I am in a bad mood. Because you dance so sweetly with Dylan. Because you co-wrote ‘Stinky Mason’ with me. Because you are compassionate, patient, kind. Because you think your IT skills are better than mine even though they aren’t. Because you are the best cook in the world. Because you are sensitive and considerate about all my hang ups and issues. Because you talk to me, really talk to me. Because you listen to me, really listen to me. Because you keep searching, deep within. Because of how you love Dylan. Because you are true to our authentic way of living. Because you’re still here and you’re still going strong even though it’s not been easy. Because of your enthusiasm and support for my art work. Because you are despatch. Because of ‘you got your worlds, your journals, your faces’. Because you talk about your pain with me. Because you understand. Because you take Dylan in the mornings and let me sleep for another couple of hours. Because you invented ‘the oodlebub’. Because you are awesome at making up silly song lyrics. Because you’re quick to point out that I suck at making up silly song lyrics. Because you love me fiercely and passionately. Because you make me feel beautiful no matter how I look. Because of Mr Pickles, Big pickles, humpy bumpy lumpy, ellie-ant, monkey & bunny. Because of ‘The Art Teacher’. Because of Sri Lanka. Because of prickly beard kisses. Because you own ‘the best place in the world’ (your neck). Because of your amazingly long arms which you stretch out when you dance. Because you never pee on the toilet seat. Because you let me pronounce some English words incorrectly and relish in the hilarious pronunciation (opaque – ohpacky). Because you watch ‘Friends’ with me. Because of ‘Bird Guhl’. Because of the 16th February (ok and also the 20th July). Because you kissed me at Bank Station. Because you think I’m funny (sometimes). Because you are on this incredible parenting journey with me. Because you don’t mind it when I’m stinky. Because you cry during father and son movies. Because you dress Dylan in the most atrocious clothing sometimes. Because you are pretty. Because you do the laundry and the dishes. Because you are committed to non-violence, processing, personal growth and self-awareness. Because you look handsomely delicious in a suit. Because you dream. Because you are an amazing dad. Because you always lose your wallet. Because you are lovely lovely lovely. Because you are patient with the messes I create. Because you accept that everyone in the house ‘has a room’ but you. Because you ‘birthed’ the hurwarwra monster and sing the ‘Dylan and Daddy – having a good time – over the sea’ song. Because you too like peggle (but you’re not as good at it as me! ;)). Because you snore cutely when you sleep. Because you introduced me to the parsnip, because you introduced me to NVC, because you are everything I have ever searched for in a friend, companion, husband and soulmate. Because of all of those reasons, I made you this book, to express my admiration, love and complete devotion to you.

Je t’adore forever always.
xoox Tam

I did lots of new art, amongst which is my new mixed media art doll statue with which I am SO happy. :) Initially I wasn’t too happy with the wig, but after styling the hair I now really like it. I absolutely love what I did with the body and how it’s so similar to the mixed media grungy paintings I do. :) I wasn’t sure how to achieve grunge on a 3d object as you can’t brayer on it, but I found ways! :) let me know what you think of this lil lady! :)

You Matter 8

You Matter 7

You Matter 10

You Matter 5

You Matter 11

You Matter 4 - back view

(she will be up for sale soon if anyone is interested!)

Additionally I’ve done a few more ‘paint over collage’ paintings, for me there is so much expression in these and I can put so much of my soul and deeper stuff in these. I’m a little addicted!

the lady and the wolf

Timeless Wisdom

Remember I’ll be teaching this paint over collage technique in the 21 Secrets Workshop for which registration starts this Monday! :) I’ll be sending out an email on my ning site with all info on Monday and a blog post too! :)

Oh, there is so much more that I have to share, but it’s late and I have to go to bed because the little man will get up at 5am again.

I will leave you for now with a 30 minute video of Dylan (oh and some pics of us too that I hadn’t shared yet), I spent last weekend filming little bits of what we did with him (it’s mostly him on slides and doing some monkey climbing, very fun). Oh I also included the intro to the paint over collage lesson for 21 secrets as it was so funny how he kept interrupting me. I made this video mostly for my parents, but you guys may also be interested, it’s quite fun to see him so busy! He’s nearly 19 months old now and is our amazing little star!

I’ll be back soon for part 2 of the tam update.

familia

deesha & mummy

deesha & mummy

I have very exciting news that will get its very own blog post soon!

I hope everyone is well, sending you sparkles & muffins!

***


My love strength and support goes out to all the people of Japan.

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A small disaster and another paint over collage painting.

So this is what happened: once upon a [magical] time I found myself in a pool in Brighton hospital screaming away trying to push a child with the head of a small melon out of me. I hallucinated through the pain and after many painful hours a cute little person lay in my arms. Wonderful.

Then, 18 months later, I sweated over making my own art journal, I pricked my fingers several nights with the needle while threading the paper carefully. It was like giving birth all over again, in a different way, but yes I birthed a book, a sacred beautiful journal book. I admired it with love and joy.

Then, one evening (read; this evening), a friend comes round and I excitedly want to show her the beautiful sacred book I made with my bear hands, but because the person who I pushed out of me 18 months ago has screaming fits if I leave the room for a minute or more, I decide to carry him with me up the stairs, into the art room to go get the journal to prevent too much drama in the house. Babe on the arm, I go up the stairs, pick up the journal lovingly, walk down the stairs again (babe & journal both in arms), walk past the kitchen, and all of a sudden feel a bit of wet on/ near my hand…

I look down and the melon-head boy has PUKED ALL OVER MY NEW SACRED JOURNAL!!!!

Puked I tell YOU! PUKED!

I let out one loud YELP! Shout at Andy: tissues! tissues! tissues! The whole cover is covered in the vomit. I am beside myself with disbelief, I might faint or spontaneously combust. Puke puke puke on my sacred sacred journal! This can’t be happening, no no no! Disaster! Disaster! Disaster!

Can I hear a OMGODDDDDDD?!

So I’ve been sitting there with dettol wipes with apple fragrance trying to get the vomit smell off my sacred journal, in tears and fuming (not with Dylan of course, he can’t help it – instead I blamed Andy because he was cooking chillies and they make you cough and when Dylan coughs he often has to puke, so it’s all Andy’s fault, he now has to eat the journal. Kidding totally -not. ;) No really, just kidding, ha ha).

I just can’t believe how unfortunate it was. I’ve worked through the trauma now, and the journal is still usable but still. Effing hell.

Let me give you a moment to recover from the shock of ‘puke on sacred journal’. I know you need it. I needed it too.

Ok, over it?

Let me show you another paint over collage painting, I’m loving doing these:


don't run away, stay

and here are the before and after (click on image to see larger):


don't run away - before and after

Collage a pleasing [to you] composition together, then paint, brayer, embellish etc over it! So fun, messy and expressive. Highly enjoyable to do I find.

Ok, in other news, I just wrote the word ‘disaster’ 3 times and all of a sudden it lost all its meaning. Ha.

Going to bed now, snugs and muffins.

xox

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19 minutes, handmade journals, princesses & bird girls

“Can I write an engaging blog post in 19 minutes?” I think to myself. I have 19 minutes because -stupidly- I moved several of my mermaid movie files to another folder and now my iMovie project tells me in a surly voice when I try to continue editing the file: “sorry love, source files are missing”. Aaaah – a low-level panic spreads from my nose down to my gut. Then I utilise my techie brain and think: ‘hang on, if I re-create that earlier folder with the exact same name (frantically clicks on ‘trash’ click click click), and then copy and paste the other movie files back there: hopefully – pray god, goddess, cross fingers, toes and other limbs – iMovie should be happy to continue editing this project again as if nothing happened.’ If not. I have to do the whole blooming thing again, having wasted precious precious hours.

Breathes.

You don’t know yet why I have 19 minutes, do you? If often start a sentence and end up somewhere off track. Well, it’s going to take 19 (although now 15 – ha, that paragraph took me 4 minutes!), to copy and paste the files to the new (old) folder. In those 19 minutes, I can’t work on my project, so I thought: let’s try and write a bloggie.

Et voila, here I am, writing a bloggie of which I want to do a lot more in future. I’m going to aim for 1 as a minimum a week after M3 is finished. I enjoy having a body of blog posts to look back on. I have a big archive on livejournal (back to 2002 can you believe!) and I love looking back on my posts once in while and giggle at the ‘immature’, highly ‘un-enlightened’ person I was then! (I jest, but yes, it’s interesting to see how I approached things in 2003 compared to how I approach things now). I was also incredibly funny then, clearly, that hasn’t changed! ;)

So, I now only have 4 minutes left, so let me leave you with the progress of my handmade art journal (eeeeh) which I’m trying to create in the few little hours after Dylbee has gone to bed. And some new messy mixed media art. The method in the ones below is painting OVER collage. I used to do it quite a bit, but have become re-obsessed with it, hope you enjoy and have a lovely Friday plus weekend mah babies. :) Hugs. x

***

OH HILARIOUS! I just closed and opened up iMovie only for it to tell me it needs another 40 minutes to process the new folder!! (Granted it does have almost 60 gigs worth of video in it, but come on, you are A MAC with a reputation for super speedy superior processing capabilities, why you need 40 minutes? Aaagh!

Oh well, some more time for me to blog, so, where was I? Oh yes, my handmade journal in which I’ll be doing sacred awareness, getting-in-touch-with-my-feelings stuff. Here it is! (not finished yet) ->


hand made journal! yay!

hand made journal! yay!

(Rho if you’re reading this, I know something is ‘off’ on the first stitching loop thing, but can’t be bothered to do it all again! :))

hand made journal! yay!

Pretty no? :) I used watercolour paper, so it’s going to be awesome to work in! I can’t wait to start using it. It’s very satisfying to create your own journal I must say! (Though a little time consuming).

BTW, if you want to learn it too, I took Rhomany’s coptic binding workshop which you can take over here: www.mixedmediaworkshops.com/page/workshops-1 (scroll down to middle of the pages for Rho’s video).

Ok, and here are the paint over collage pieces I was taking about:


a princess waiting

I love the freedom this technique gives and the surreal, out of proportion style of it. Very much inspired by the lovely Misty Mawn, of course, but I think because I’ve been doing this stuff for a while (although have been taking a break with all the courses), I’ve found my own voice within the style.

Here’s another one. The title Bird Guhl is from a song by Antony & the Johnsons who I adore adore adore adore.


bird guhl.

In fact, here is the song for those interested, it is breath-taking.


Antony spells bird girl in a few ways on the album cover: bird gehrl and bird guhl. I think he himself struggled with dyslexia when younger (not sure if this is correct) and also dealt with gender ‘confusion’ which is a poignant topic on that album.

Last one of the paint over collage pieces:


this sacred life

I love the messy gray with black and white and the strong female figure in the middle. For those actually managing to read any of the small handwriting on the first piece and the last: they are around wanting another baby. :) We have talks with the IVF clinic early March. That’s all I’ll say for now. :)))

Ok, 2 minutes left now! Perfect to REALLY say byes now!

Sparkles!

PS. It worked! (the moving the files thing – I know, like you cared! ;)) xoxox

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You are braver than you think you are.

you are braver than you think you are

My word for the year 2011 (I know, it took me a while to decide) is going to be:

“awareness”

(with a hint of ‘presence’, an undertone of ‘connection’ and a dash of ‘being’)

I realised it last night as I was contemplating unwanted behaviour and strategies I employ (over-eating in response to a wide variety of feelings). I realised that the biggest thing I don’t do before I employ unwanted strategies is: become aware of and connect to ‘what is alive in me’. I just go into a trance like state, I’m on automatic pilot and I do what I always do.

Instead, if I pay attention, create awareness and really connect to what is going on within me, feeling-wise, I may be able to choose different strategies in response to whatever it is that is going on in me.

So, the challenge I set myself this year is to become more aware of my inner me. My inner Tam and give her a massive dose of lovin’. :-)

One of the ways I want to become more aware (and this is where it becomes FUN), is through art journaling. I can hear you say: ‘but Tam, you journal already’. Yes, yes, my faithful reader, I sorta do, but not in this new way I want to do it. I normally journal perhaps at the end of the day or take an hour during lunch. This time, I want to journal each time I feel down or right before -and as a prevention of- choosing unwanted strategies to deal with my stuff. So, if I feel the urge to eat (emotionally, rather than physically), I am going to take it as a sign that ‘something is up’ and I will then ask myself: ‘Tam, what is up?’, then really connect and feel my stuff and write/ journal about it. I probably won’t have lots of time for it, but just writing down something small or doing a quick doodle, a brief moment of connection with myself, may help me become more and more aware and help heal and transform.

I’m excited about this new way of trying to deal with something I’ve struggled with all my life. :)

Oh, to top it off, for this specific purpose I’m gonna make my own journal! (Because I want my journal to have watercolour paper). Eee. :)

Now, I like this idea and want to make this journal, but but but, I don’t know when because I’m currently working like MAD (6 days a week can you believe and sometimes until late late in the night).

M3 is going wonderfully! The students are doing amazing work and they are all so lovely towards each other! It’s very time consuming for me though and I’m definitely going to run my next course differently so that I time manage it better. I thought I had done enough of the materials beforehand, but I put so much more into a class nowadays compared to when I just started (simply because everything evolves) and these classes have just become ‘monsters’ (sweet ones, and pretty ones, but still monstrous in size, lol). So, I have my hands full with that. But, I can’t complain, I feel deeply blessed with all that I have and am able to do. I love my work and students so much!

After this, I am going to take a HUGE break and do a load of art just for my own enjoyment. I desperately want to make art dolls and record some more songs and do some more paintings! I’ll have time again, soon!

Althououoouuugh, in other news! I was invited by Connie from dirtyfootprints studio to be 1 of the teachers on the next round of 21 secrets! How cool is that? I am going to be surrounded by 20 other amazingly talented artists who will each share some of their art journaling secrets with all the students! The first round has been incredibly successful and this time round proves to be amazing too! Registration starts Monday, March 14, 2011.

21 SECRETS Spring opens Friday, April 1, 2011 and closes Monday, August 1. 2011. If you want to read more about it, have a peek here: http://www.dirtyfootprints-studio.com/2011/01/secret-is-out.html

So that will be a new project I’m involved with after this course, but it will in no way be as time consuming, ha ha!

Ok, here is some new art that I managed to finish off recently:


the angel and the horse
Inspired by the work of Lucy Campbell

Angel for week 3 of M3

This angel & girl were created for week 3 for the course I’m currently running. :)

And I also did an art journal entry for it which is this one:

Art Journal 2011 - angel exploration

In other news, being with Dylan still has its ups and downs, but it’s recently been more fun to be with him (depending on his level of grumpy, hee hee). He can be absolutely delightful. Earlier, I was watching him as he was engrossed in the sing and sign DVD and I was struck by so much love for him that I could crumble right before him. :)

I’m also, however, really wanting to stop breastfeeding him, but don’t know how. He loves it so much, I don’t want to take it away from him, but he puts his hands down my shirt and always scratches me in the process and it’s often not a lot of fun for me anymore. Any helpful tips on this one are welcomed! :)

Here are two cute little videos of Dylan, the first he’s in the bath (17.5 months old btw) and in the second it’s me and him giggling! :)


and here some recent twitpics, taken with the iphone:


very rosey cheeked today #TwitPict on Twitpic xxxx #TwitPict on Twitpic Let us charm you this morning x on Twitpic

And here some bigger ones.

dylbee in a funny hat

my little explorer

I am ok overall, but just feel swallowed up by a wave of work and I’m losing myself and connection with loved ones a bit. So, I’m trying to be extra mindful of that and trying to breathe, ground and take stock once in a while so that I remain centered.

I’m really loving this practical approach to trying to become more inner aware (I’ve always said: I must become more aware, but not really figuring out a way to do it and I think the conscious journaling will really help).

So with that, I bid thee adieu for the night. Sweet dreams, magic sparklies and fairy dust!

Snugs & Hugs all. x

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On connection, belonging and mutual experience – AND a heartfelt thank you!

Oh mannnn. I got to go to bed bed bed, but I’ve been meaning to do this blog post for the last week now and something kept jumping, hopping, crashing in the way of it! So, I’ll be a bit tired tomorrow and cut this bloggie short.

I wanted to write to and about everyone who responded to my last post about the ‘struggles of parenthood’ (clickie if you want to read it).

I also want to share with you the painting I created for week 1 and 2 of my up and coming course magical mythical makings (or m3). Let’s start with that! :)

Lookit! Here she is! The Goddess of love inspired by the style of the amazing Gustav Klimt – created on a rather large canvas with watersoluble crayons, acrylics, several collage materials, texture paste, graphite and markers! I’m so proud of her!! :)

If you want to see how I created this painting and learn how to create your own, DO come and join us on the course (click HERE to join). It starts on Monday 17th January! Eeek, almost there! :D


close up of goddess - m3

goddess - m3

and look at the yummy texture!

yummy texture - m3

***

On to thanking you you and YOU, yes YOU tooooo! I was incredibly touched and moved by all the comments, msgs on facebook and emails I received regarding the blog post on the struggles of parenthood.

It really created a deep sense of connection and mutual experience for me. It meant I wasn’t just not alone, but I was also not alone in my experience. I know this sounds obvious in many ways, but really, reading about everyone ‘having gone through the same thing’ or currently going through something similar, just made me feel like part of a whole, and that there was a knowing, an understanding. I felt that I was being seen, understood and heard.

That is such a gift.

And people were commenting on the rawness and the honesty of the post. Well, before I posted on blogspot, I used to post (and still do) on livejournal and have always been very open and honest over there about my ups and downs, so I’ve never been that ‘scared’ of it, in fact, I relish in really breaking open and sharing my rawness with people as I often find it breaks others open and a beautiful depth of connection and really seeing each other happens. There is nothing more beautiful than that!! I love it, when we break beyond that wall, the facade and see each other in our [emotional] nakedness and just share what is ‘alive’ in us. Breathtakingly moving I find that.

So thank you to everyone who sent a msg of support, shared their story, let me know their thoughts, wise tips and guidance and more. It really helped me ground, center and balance and Andy too, he loved reading all the responses!

And will you believe that pretty much straight after that post, things with Dylan too started to change. (Isn’t it always like that: action is reaction is change and transformation?).

Andy and I both made a very conscious decision to be much more present with Dylan when we were with him (rather than just sort of ‘half there’). And this last weekend Andy was away and it was me and Dylan by ourselves and we had a lovely time in the park and bonding and connecting. Here are some pics:

dylbee boo

dylan in prma

tiny baby, huge world

dylan on the bus

His sleep has also improved so much at the moment, he basically sleeps from 8pm to about 7am! Either straight through or with 1 wake up. Amazing! :)

Anyhoo, I just want to thank everyone again for their comments and reflections – it made me feel so connected and understood.

Must go sleep now!! :)

Big hugs, love,
Tam xoxo

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Hello 2011, bye bye 2010! On the struggles of being a parent and enlightenment.

Goshy, it’s the 3rd of January 2011 already and I haven’t even done a blog post yet. I normally do one on the last day of the year, but didn’t get a chance.

Let’s do it now.

Well hello there 2011, pardon me for congratulating you late on your birth and mourning the death of 2010. It had sort of a ring to it, 2010, but it was a hectic year for me, for us, with quite a lot of ups and downs.

2010 was major for Dylbee as he learned to crawl, grow teethies, sign, babble and walk in 2010. All huge accomplishments one might say for a little 1 and a bit year old. 2010 was also major for me and Andy but in different ways. We really struggled with our new roles as parents and everything that came with that. The joyous and amazing moments, but also the moments where you deal with having many less freedoms, and old strategies that used to meet your needs were no longer available. These changes have been painful and trying. We are continually challenged to be zen masters and have no attachments to ‘how we want things’. It is not about ‘us’ anymore. It’s about him now.

A little person arrives in your life and then proceeds to dominate it, take over and make you his humble slave. (Ha ha, ok, that’s an exaggeration but does come close to it). It was only this morning when I uttered under my breath to Andy when we were trying to put Dylan’s shoes on; ‘my God, it really is a 5 man job eh’? Something as simple as putting his shoes on can be a major drama.

I look forward to the day where Dylan can understand the impact some of his actions have, not so that he can feel guilty and ‘bad about himself, of course not, but so that we can ‘work together on getting everyone’s needs met, not just his’. At this point, Andy described it nicely yesterday, he is 16.5 months old and is a ‘need-meeting-machine’. He has all the same ‘rights’ that other people have, but none of the responsibilities or the capacity to empathise.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the little critter to death, he has so many adorable and beautiful sides to him, but it’s also so hard to be with him sometimes. He endlessly wants to breastfeed (yep, still breastfeeding) and scratches me in the process (sometimes bites me by accident) and always wants what we have (so if I’m drinking tea, he wants to hold the cup etc) which means you don’t ever really get a break unless you leave the room which then makes him cry hysterically.

I feel torn when I read what I just wrote because I am utterly and deeply grateful for having him in my life, I don’t want to seem like I am not happy to have him, but I also want to express how difficult it can be. I was in tears last night talking to Andy (for whom it’s also not easy by any stretch of the imagination). I feel frustrated when I think that the only way you can have some harmony and peace with a 16.5 year old is by being domineering, authoritarian and horrible because they are incapable of any real understanding or empathy yet. I don’t want to be the ‘nazi parent’, but I also want some peace and quiet and harmony with my child. I don’t want him to drive us crazy. We can’t really communicate with him about ‘what it’s like for us yet’, so we just have to either ‘grin and bear’ or ‘shout and dominate’. (Ok, we have some in between solutions too, like distraction etc, but they are not as effective as I’d like).

Ok, I’m painting a picture here that is a little bleak and it’s not that bad. I suppose I’m writing this after 2 weeks of no break of Dylbee and he’s been really grumpy and demanding for the last 3-4 days as well so that hasn’t helped. There have been lovely days as well where he’s just pottering while we’re all together and we’ve been able to just sit calmly together, but for the last couple of days things have just seemed a lot harder.

So, here I am trying to talk about 2010 and 2011 and write mostly about Dylbee -> see!! It’s all about HIM! ;)

Tam & Dylbee

Ha ha. The challenges when you become a parent eh. Gosh.

For 2011 – the aim for me and Andy are:

* spend more time together
* spend more time with friends (we’ve been pretty isolated)
* do more art (for me)
* play more golf (for Andy)

And, after all that I just wrote about Dylan, we are STILL considering and thinking about a second child. LOL. I know, crazy right?

Both of us are weary of the idea of a second, but it also seems to make sense. We’d like for Dylan to have a sibling, they also say that at some point they ‘entertain each other’, it’s helpful for socialisation and it’s nice to have a second child (yeah, right … ;)). Also, everything changes when they get older. But, we need to make sure we’re ok financially, which is tricky, we need to make sure we’re ok emotionally, which is tricky (hee hee), and the other thing is: if we do want to do it, we need to do it soon as I can’t stay on steroids for many more years (max 3). (I’m on steroids instead of my other meds for the RA because of pregnancy and breastfeeding). To those who have more than 1 child, are you happy you chose for a second? Or do you think sticking with 1 would’ve been easier? Grateful for any input on this one. :)

The problem with a second child as well is if we do IVF again (Dylan is an IVF baby), it means I’ll have to wean him off the breast which will be a total drama as he’s totally obsessed with it. So I’m not looking forward to that one!

So, decisions to be made and as Andy says: sitting in the fire once more.

It’s so hard because I really waver between yes and no. On some days I think to myelf: NEVER again another one! And on other days I’m totally in the mindset of: aww it’d be SO lovely to get another. It’s a really difficult decision to make, and we can’t ‘leave it up to chance’ in our situation either.

Anyhoo, in 2011 – art wise, I’m very excited about my current course which starts on 17th January (Magical Mythical Makings – sign up here) and also, I’m really excited about creating a digital art online course! There is a lot of possibilities with this one, so uber excited. I started doing digital portraits of toddlers, this one is of my neighbour’s daughter Ciara, I ordered it on canvas and it looks great! :)

Ciara

I’m loving working digitally – and I know I have a lot to teach on this one so it’s going to be great!

Let’s see what 2011 brings for us, I hope it’s going to be great for everyone, and if not so great that we grow from the ‘not-so-greatness’. There is a video in which Eckhart Tolle talks about how people can get very upset when their loved ones are in pain or are going through struggles and he says: ‘but to wish no pain or struggle upon anyone is possibly the worst thing you could wish for them, as from pain comes learning, growth and sometimes enlightenment’. So, I hereby wish you all a painful and struggle-ful 2011! ;) And I raise my glass to ‘enlightenment’! ;) (Kiddddding!! – though I do wish we grow and learn from our pain and struggles should we be experiencing them). Mostly I wish you a muffin filled 2011. (What is it with me and muffins? ;)). oxoxo

Huggasnugga!!

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Happy holidays!

Can you believe that the day we are leaving to spend 4 days with Andy’s family I am developing a major fever, cold and achyness? I feel achy all over, hot and cold and stomach probs too. Eugh! It seems that when you prepare to relax, your body sort of goes: aaah finally, like it lets its guard down and kablam illness hits you. Oh well, we’re going anyway, but I probably need a lot of tlc, tea, warm baths and chocolate cake. Ehehe.

Anyway, I wanted to wish everyone very happy holidays and a spectacular new year! :-)

I am planning to really savour my time with family and friends in the next couple of days. I hope, whatever you are doing, it’s something you look forward to and will enjoy.

Here is another fun pic of me, Dylbee and Andy! :)

more happy hols! x

Merry Christmas sweet people. x

Big hugs
Tam x

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Open Your Soul and Listen

open your soul

Open Your Soul and Listen
(for sale here)

Today started with me being vomited upon about 5 times and ended with a lovely quiet dinner with the most amazing man in the world (dinner was: salad with avocado, carrots, red onion, smoked salmon and baby potatoes). In between the morning and the evening, more vomiting happened, but also; cooing, hugging, dancing, laughing, being silly, kindness from people, support from Andy, paint everywhere on my hands, fingers, clothes, carpet and chair. There was gold leaf, shimmery fabric, paint water accidental spills and warm heaters blasting warm air. I drank yummy grape juice, worried about Dylan, felt confused and annoyed with the post office and then happy hearing from a happy customer. Neck ache and fatigue, compassion and empathy. Giggles and teasing, pink vests, white headphones and finally space again on my iPhone.

Very moved by something my brother sent, touched by my mother and father and their love. Thinking about pregnant friends, secretly hoping to be pregnant again. Little Dylan arms reaching out to me, breastfeeding, breastfeeding, breastfeeding. Playing peggle, losing. Playing peggle, winning. Talking, connecting, feeling deeply and then not deeply enough. Emailing. Emailing. Re-watching Alias – loving (and missing) Marshall Flinkman. Not drinking enough water, drinking too much diet coke. Struggling with food intake. Mesmerised by Dylan asleep, rosy cheeks, button nose. Thirsty.

***

I visited Kelly Rae’s blog earlier today and came across this paragraph which a friend of hers wrote about parenting:

Have unrelenting acceptance for that which is unrelenting

In a hard moment that first week with True, Kelly looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “It just feels so unrelenting.” I didn’t say it out loud then but in my head I thought, “And that is parenting in a nutshell.” It is the first shock of parenthood…that the baby is there ALL the time, that children need ALL the time, and that you are never at any moment not a parent. It is unrelenting. That is exactly why it is so critical to bring your spirituality into, rather than separate it from, your life as a mother. Because your spiritual needs are also unrelenting. They will not go away just because you are now more distracted than ever. In fact, those needs will make A LOT of noise if left unattended and spiritual needs left unattended leave an easier entryway for depression, apathy, anxiety.

It really resonated with how Andy and I are experiencing being parents. It’s so amazing in so many ways and so unrelenting is other ways. I keep saying: being a parent is THE perfect spiritual practise. It is a practise in patience, mindfulness and acceptance of here now. Your child is your greatest spiritual teacher. :)

And it’s about communicating, with your partner, with your child and with yourself. It’s about deeply connecting to what is now, what is alive, what is present. It requires an opening of the soul in ways not done before.

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Follow Your Bliss

Follow Your Bliss

Follow Your Bliss
For Sale Here

It’s about time I did another blog update. Gone are the days of updating 4 times a day! My life, well, it’s rather full and busy as will have been obvious. :-) I miss it here though so here I am with a bit o’ bloggie. Eh eh. I shan’t be long.

Ok, new art! I’m LOOOOVING working digitally! Wacom tablet + photoshop = LOVE. :)

Looksie what I mades over the last month:


there once was a boy called dylan

This is a whimsy digital version of my babe Dylan. Ha ha. I think it’s quite a good likeness! I also got it printed out on canvas and it looks amazing! Canvas prints will soon be available in my shop too! :)


Fairy watching over you.

I am working on a series of prints for newborns, babies and children! Above is an example of a print that can be given to a family with a newborn! :) Working on the boy version now. (BTW I know that ‘length’ is spelled wrong! :))


Rose in the Snow

This one I just liked doing. :) I’ve been told it looks like her head is floating. I will work on that. :) I really like how I did the rose.


kitty and me

I also did the little kitty and me. So fun!


I also created my Christmas Cards digitally this year! This is my favourite one out of all 5 of them. If you want to buy some, you can buy them here.


reindeer love

Man, I did so much without posting! This post is going to be loooong. Eheheh!

Now for non-digital stuff:


healing angel

I made this angel in week for of my Art, Heart and Healing course. I love it so much! :) (The course can, btw, still be joined, it’s free! Go HERE to join).


It is Your Light

The creation of this one was documented in my latest youtube video! Watch it here:


One more: a new journal entry that I like.


art journal nov 2010

Alrighty – are you bored yet? ;)

Ok, life!

Lookit, it’s us three all pretty surrounded by sparklies. Merry Christmas!


merry christmas!

We had snow and put Dylbee in a sledge!


dylbee in the snow!

He also now loves to climb on things, mostly on chairs! He grabs anything and everything on high counters (eeep, really must put away all the knives!). He says ‘oof’ when he sees doggies (which is so insanely cute) and he makes HUGE messes -> see the proof:


and here he is king of the chair! hee hee:


dylbee on chair

and this was taken 2 or 3 days ago:


smirky dylan

(15.5 months old)

It’s a daily adventure to be with him. Difficult, fun, adventurous, wondrous, annoying, lovely, stressful, amazing, life altering. Andy and I are awed on a daily basis by what changes he goes through and what he understands and how quickly he learns. He’s picking up sign language like crazy! He knows the signs for: dog, cat, cow, sheep, pig, rat, butterfly, lion and elephant. He also understands the signs for food, drink, more and finished. It’s totally amazing to see what a little toddler is capable of understanding! He is amazing.

So, what else?

Well, I’m working hard on preparations for my new online course which starts in January 2011! And I’m also really looking forward to taking a break at Christmas time. We’ll be spending it with Andy’s family up in Lincoln. We were initially going to go to Holland for the new year but have had to postpone that, so will be in Brighton for the new year.

Oh, is anyone watching ‘misfits’ in the UK? (some of my US-ie friends might watch it too but it’s BBC I think). I find the Irish guy hilarious!

Anyhoo, I think that is it for now! This is more of a photo post, but they describe quite well what’s been happening with me!

I hope everyone is well. Thank you for reading. What will you be doing for Christmas? Leave me a message if you like, I appreciate it!

Huggasnuggas.

Tam xoox

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