the science of motivation

finally someone who speaks out on how punishment and rewards stifle creativity and work as limiting! this is one of the reasons why we will NOT use mumbo like star charts/ punishment and rewards for Dylan.

this video looks at what motivates people from the angle of business & economy, but is also relevant to the human spirit and what it is we all really need in life.



to read about this from a parenting perspective, read anything by Alfie Kohn, in particular his heavily researched book: Punished by Rewards

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bear mama, starchild


by; susan seddon boulet

this is how i feel; i am like a ferocious and strong, beautiful, huge bear using my massive paws to protect this miraculous, starchild. he; like a bright light in the dark, me; a force, strong, powerful, my sole purpose; to love, caress, care for this child of light.

***

oh hai! it is i, mummy tam, boob machine, milk producer, lover of dylan, lover of andy, keeper of a huge heart full of love, artist, pram pusher, rain watcher, autumn leaf admirer, silly song singer, smiler, luckiest lady in the world. ♥

the above painting really speaks to me. i love the mysticism in it and the magical style. i might try paint something in susan’s style. wow, she made amazing paintings.

so, what’s up with tam? well, dylan slept his first 6 hour stretch this week! it was a one off so far, but i’m keeping my fingers crossed that it may continue. i’ve been told that when babies reach 3 months old stuff changes! for one they tend to sleep for longer periods at night, and for two their digestive system will have matured and they won’t be bothered by gas so much any more. so i’m eagerly awaiting his 12 week birthday which will be monday a week!

this week was mostly a really really rough week, most nights he just kept waking up every hour or so, on top of that, i got some bad rheumatism flare ups which make the nights even harder because my shoulders, arms and hands are in real pain. i can hardly pick him up then. so i’m watching my food intake (certain foods can trigger RA) now and that seems to make a bit of a difference, but, like babies, RA is also unpredictable. if the flare ups continue i’ll have to talk to the rheumatologist for a new cocktail of meds. there is one other meds i can try which is ok while breastfeeding.

i took a load of beautiful macro shots of his little face and hands yesterday;

dylan
dylan
dylan
dylan
dylan

i’ve also done a new piece of art inspired by tascha & danita type whimsical girls;

fly free little birdie
i call it; “fly free little birdie”

as i was mucking about with my macro lens i took some macro close ups of this piece of art which i love, because you can really see the texture & “bumpiness” (ha) of the paint in some of them;

fly little bird macro close up 9
fly little bird macro close up 3
flylfly little bird macro close up 2
fly little bird macro close up 1
fly little bird macro close up 4
fly little bird macro close up 6

i love the little shoesies i did! ee! :D

other things i’m excited about.

has commissioned me to make a painting for his girlfriend for xmas! :) i look forward to creating this painting as they have big lovely fur family and snails too! :D

and, i have signed up for an online art class with misty mawn whose work i’ve admired for quite some time now. i hope to learn a few new mixed media techniques.

i’m also excited about rhomany‘s 2 courses, 1 is a coptic binding course in which you learn to bind your own book! and the other is a new art journalling course which she’s running on my ning site; www.willowing.ning.com (people can still sign up btw) with the aim to make a ‘soul book’. the coptic binding one is an ongoing one and you can still join that too, it’s run over here; www.debcompany.ning.com

even though dylan is either attached or on top of me most of the day, i manage to do bits of art here and there and i’ve been making cute little clay statues, but none of them are finished quite yet, here are pics of them in progress;


little polymer animal figurines on progress :) gonna paint th... on Twitpic cute little polymer clay house in progress! will be baked, th... on Twitpic sculpted this robed woodland fairy tonight, the clay is airdr... on Twitpic

sooo, that’s me for a while, here endeth the mammoth art post. hope everyone is well, i know i’m not around much, but having a nearly 3 month old baby is taking up about 80% of my day! :D (and i’m lovin’ it!)

remember, i’m on twitter & facebook; willowing

big love.

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willowing – halloween edition!

halloween!! muhahahahha

“halloween”
mixed media on watercolour paper
12×8″

original sold
prints still available ($15 + shipping)

aaaaand the accompanying NEW ART VIDEO!! :-) yayyyyy, haven’t done one is soooo long! hope you enjoy! x



***

other news. :)

life is still a blur of baby dylan. we’re slowly but surely coming out of that a bit, i can do a bit of art here and there, go out where we can, but most projects and attempts to tidy the house, or even shower, don’t make it far on the list of priorities. funny anecdote; i’ve been trying to make my own thai fishermen trousers for the last 3-4 weeks now. on the floor, in the living room lie several bits of old thai fishermen’s trousers strewn all over the place and a roll of pattern paper onto which i managed to trace 3 out of the 7 parts that i need. eheh. that i a good illustration of how life is with baby; you don’t get anything done. or if you do; a project that usually takes 2 days, now takes 4 weeks! even writing emails or blog posts can take several hours, if not days!!

but, did i tell you; it’s all so worth it!

this creature, this being, it lives, breathes, gurgles, poos, coos and has now started smiling; and there isn’t anything that has ever made me more happy in life! (that is not to say that i don’t hope for a bit more art time etc, but all in good time, all in good time!). :D

last night was hard, as he’s having gripe and tummy aches again, hardly got any sleep!! but andy looked after dylan in the morning for a bit and i got an extra 3 hours! seamless teamwork i tell ya! ;)

so, i’m still and mostly occupied by this new being, and for most of the time loving it. the thing that is the saddest is when he’s in pain and i can’t do much about it! but i’ve been told when they hit 3 months their digestive system will have matured and then pooing or gass isn’t such an ordeal anymore! so another 2.5 weeks and he should be a bit happier! (fingers crossed).

here a few more pics and a vid of him this morning!

big love to you all.



ok, he looks darn cute in dark blue! ;) x on Twitpic very tough night with Dylan, but andy looked after him from 9... on Twitpic bunny in the head lights ;) on Twitpic
dylan and tam all halloweened up. (don't hate me! ;))  on Twitpic soooooooo pretty! :) on Twitpic out and about with new hat :0) on Twitpic

oh ps. now that we have dylan, i can’t update my blog as often, but i update a lot more frequently on twitter (which gets forwarded to facebook), they are mini updates with lots of little pics and videos!

so for those who want to receive more frequent tam/ dylan updates;

http://www.twitter.com/willowing
http://www.facebook.com/willowing

xxoxx

☠ and a spookey goodbye to you! ☠ *muahahahaha*

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ocean lady

ocean lady

~ ocean lady ~
(mixed media on watercolour paper 12×8″)

(original & prints for sale, email me; tam[at]willowing[dot]org)

***

i really enjoyed making this piece, it has several layers in it and i had fun working the texture paste; it is now properly textured! so much to see in the hair and on the side, also, i loved working with the colours blue and brown. when this piece started i was breastfeeding and the only crayons/ pencils in reach were a blue and brown hence the restriction, but i like the final result a lot! have always loved the combination of blue and brown. :)

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new photiessss!!

i love this picture of dylan and me:

blissful family

and i love this one of him;

my all

and and and, i’ve been dressing him/ us up for halloween (doing a halloween art vid!)

dylbee halloween

halloween dylan & tam

halloween dylan & tam

:D *grins*

more here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/willowing/

xoxo

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katie does ‘the work’ with sauron, the dark lord, hee hee!

hilarious! for anyone who’s familiar with ‘the work’ by ‘byron katie’, this is so funny!

from bk’s newsletter which can be read here: http://www.byronkatie.com/newsletter_oct09.html

Byron Katie does The Work with Sauron, the Dark Lord
by Tim Ray

Tim is my Danish translator. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

Dear Katie, I’m glad you like the spoof. Here’s how it came about. I’m a great Lord of the Rings fan and one night a few weeks ago I had this amazing dream. I dreamt that you were standing before one of the Black Riders (the Nazgul), who was looming ominously before you. Your response: ”Oh sweetheart, what a beautiful black dress! I love it!” The Black Rider then drew his big silver sword and advanced menacingly towards you. Your response: ”Oh wow, what a beautiful silver sword! And look at those beautiful symbols!” The Black Rider then pierced your heart with the sword, the blood came gushing out. Your response was: ”Oh wow, how wonderful, you’re killing me. So beautiful and all the blood… Oh sweeetheart…” And then I woke up and wrote the spoof.

I guess the The Work is really penetrating into the deepest reaches of my subconscious now. That’s what you get for translating A Thousand Names for Joy!
Blessings, Tim


BK: So, sweetheart, read what you wrote on your Worksheet.

Sauron: This is really hard for me.

BK: I know, honey, and I admire your courage. So let’s hear it.

Sauron: I am frustrated and angry at all the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth – the elves, the dwarves, the men, and those annoying little hobbits, not to mention Gandalf the White and his fellowship – for consistently opposing my plans to become Lord of Middle-Earth. They should realize that I am the Master of the World and bow down to me. They should be my slaves. They should worship me and give me love, approval and appreciation. I want them to see that I am the greatest. They are weak, stupid, annoying, irritating. I never ever want to experience them rebelling against my plans again.

BK: So basically, that’s about it.

Sauron: [Laughing] I’m sure there’s more. But I ran out of space. This thing with the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth has been bugging me for thousands of years. In fact, ever since those blasted Numenoreans landed on the shores of Middle-Earth…

BK: I hear you. Okay, so let’s do the Work. Let’s look at what you’ve written, sweetheart. I heard you say that “they should realize that you are the Master of the World”.

Sauron: Yes.

BK: So “They should realize that you are the Master of the World” – is that true? [To the audience] See if you can find the place in yourself where you believe that someone in your life should realize that you are the Master of the World and bow down to you and worship you and do exactly what you want them to do. It could be someone you knew a long time ago or someone you know today. So, sweetheart, “They should realize that you are the Master of the World” – is that true?

Sauron: [Fuming] Yes!

BK: You answered so quickly.

Sauron: Yes, they should all bow down to me and realize that I am the Master of Middle-Earth!

BK: I hear you. And can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Sauron: [After a pause] Well…

BK: Well? What’s the reality of it, sweetheart? Do the elves bow down to you and say that you are the Master of the World?

Sauron: No.

BK: The hobbits? The dwarves? The Dunedain? And what about Gandalf the Wizard? Does he bow down to you and realize that you are the Master of the World?

Sauron: [sighs] No.

BK: So “They should realize that you are the Master of the World” – how do you react when you believe that thought?

Sauron: I get furious, angry, frustrated. I release my armies of darkness – the Black Riders, the orcs, the trolls, the werewolves and the bats on all the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth. I start a war and burn, hack, destroy, annihilate. It’s like my whole being is consumed by darkness. I get very focused and lose sight of everything else. It’s like I have only One Eye of malice, bent on destroying anything and everything that doesn’t do my will.

BK: Yes, sweetheart. The mind has a job. And that’s to give us all the stories that prove that what it thinks is true.

Sauron: It’s really quite horrible. I build all these defenses around myself, impenetrable walls of steel and mountains of horror. No one can get in or out. And yet all the time doubt keeps gnawing at my heart. What if someone really great and powerful, like Gandalf or Saruman or Aragorn or Galadriel gets a hold of the One Ring? That really worries me.

BK: Yes, I hear you sweetheart. So, whose business are you in when you believe the thought “They should realize that I am the Master of the World”?

Sauron: I can see that I’m mentally in their business.

BK: And how has that worked for you so far?

Sauron: It’s really quite hopeless. I’ve been trying for hundreds and thousands of years to bend them to my will. But they just won’t do it. I devised the One Ring to rule them all, but then they formed that blasted Last Allegiance of Elves and Men. And Isildur cut the Ring off my finger and I had to go into hiding for thousands of years. It was really depressing. And now the same thing is happening all over again. The One Ring has been found and I can’t seem to get a hold of it. The Riders of Rohan are proving more and more tenacious than I thought. Minas Tirith is still going strong. And the other day I realized that an heir of Isildur is still alive with the sword of Elendil reforged. That really worries me. I have trouble sleeping at night. I’ve started taking Valium. But none of it really works. It’s like a living nightmare.

BK: Yes. So can you find one stress-free reason to keep the thought?

Sauron: No.

BK: So, who would you be without the thought “They should realize that I am the Master of the World”?

Sauron: [After a pause] Hm. It’s… like a blank. I mean, I’ve been so used to that thought that it’s, you know, I really don’t know.

BK: So close your eyes for a moment. See Gandalf, Aragorn, the elves, the hobbits, the dwarves, the riders of Rohan, all the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth, just as they are. And you cannot believe the thought “They should realize that I am the Master of the World”. What do you see?

Sauron: [Taking a deep breath] Well, first of all I would realize that they don’t realize that I am the Master of the World. They just don’t. Never have and probably never will.

BK: I would drop the “probably”!

Sauron: Yes. And I would see that trying to get them to realize that I am the Master of the World is hopeless. So that would be a huge load off my back. Just seeing reality. And then I would be more realistic. I wouldn’t stress myself so hard all the time, constantly doing battle with reality. It feels more peaceful.

BK: So “They should realize that I am the Master of the World” – turn it around.

Sauron: They should not realize that I am the Master of the World.

BK: Okay, so give me three examples of where they should not realize that you are the Master of the World. Three genuine examples, and make them as specific as you can. [To the audience] I invite all of you to do this as well. [To Sauron] So, give me three specific, genuine examples.

Sauron: Well, at the Battle of the Pelennor Fields they sure as hell didn’t realize that I was the Master of the World! I mean none of them – the Dunedain of Gondor, the Rangers of the North, the Riders of Rohan, the sons of Elrond, I mean the list goes on and on.

BK: My goodness!

Sauron: And way back when the Valar, you know the Lords of the West, sent the Five Wizards – Gandalf, Saruman, Radagast and so on to help the Free Peoples in their struggle against me. The Valar sure didn’t think I was the Master of the World back then either.

BK: My goodness!

Sauron: And Saruman, that spineless worm, trying to get a hold of the One Ring himself and proclaim himself Master of Middle-Earth…

BK: That’s amazing.

Sauron: [Laughs] It’s amazing that I didn’t see something so obvious before!

BK: That’s what the mind does. It believes its story and then it finds all the proof. And in the end it can only see what it believes to be true, even though it isn’t. Okay, sweetheart, can you find another turnaround?

Sauron: I should realize that I am the Master of the World.

BK: Yes. And how are you doing in that department?

Sauron: [After a long pause] Well, I can see that actually I myself have some serious doubts in that department. Because, I mean hey, if I am really the Master of the World why can’t I get Gandalf and his lot to bow down to me and do what I want!

BK: Ah, you are good, sweetheart! So “You are the Master of the World” – is that true?

Sauron: [Starts to cry] No.

BK: And consider how you react when you believe that thought.

Sauron: It’s hopeless, hopeless. I mean I am totally in everybody else’s business, constantly trying to get them to do what I want. And it’s wearing me out. I don’t even have a physical body anymore. I’m just this one horrible lidless eye. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. Mordor is a total mess – it’s no wonder they call it The Land of Shadow. All my employees have this total love-hate relationship with me. The orcs both worship and loathe me. Not to mention the elves and the dwarves. It’s pure hell.

BK: Who would you be without the thought “I am the Master of the World”?

Sauron: I would just give up. Give up the hopeless struggle to try to control other people. End the war. Close down the Dark Land of Mordor and Mount Doom. Let all the orcs and Black Riders and trolls go their own way. And then I think I would just go into retirement for a while. Walk in the fair woods of Lothlorien and smell the leaves and the wind, maybe go to the sea. Just watch and notice how I am not the Master of anything. How everything is doing just fine without me. But I have to admit I am little worried that after all the insanity, murder and destruction I’ve committed over the last thousands of years, it won’t be easy just to take a stroll in the wood or by the sea.

BK: Well, sweetheart, if you’re really serious about your freedom and peace of mind, there’s a quick route called “making amends”. Making amends means to right your wrongs. So turn the thought around.

Sauron: I am not the Master of the World.

BK: Could that be as true or truer?

Sauron: It seems much truer now.

BK: So, give me three genuine examples of how the turnaround is as true as or truer than your original statement.

Sauron: Well, I’ve tried for thousands of years now and I still can’t control the wind, the ocean, the sun and the moon. They just do what they do with or without my interference.

BK: Good, that’s one.

Sauron: Heck, I can’t even control my own slaves! You have no idea what a logistics nightmare it is to command tens of thousands of brain-dead orcs!

BK: Good that you’re noticing!

Sauron: And then there’s that slimy little creature Gollum. You have no idea how much I tortured him to get him to tell me the location of the One Ring, but he still wouldn’t budge. Talk about frustrating!

BK: Excellent, sweetheart. Make amends, make it right. And I see another turnaround.

Sauron: I am… the servant of the world?

BK: Yes. How are you the servant of the world?

Sauron: Well, what comes to mind is that without the thought “I am the Master of the World” I could actually be of service to the world. I mean, I am after all one of the Maia, at least as powerful or more powerful than Gandalf or Saruman or the Balrog or even Tom Bombadil. I can actually do pretty neat things when my mind is not hell-bent on destruction. You know, build things and make magic rings and stuff. I guess I could use those talents and skills for some more constructive purpose.

BK: It’s good that you’re noticing. So how can you use your specific talents and skills to serve the world – to serve the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth?

Sauron: Well, the first thing that comes to mind is that I have quite a bit of clean-up to do! You know, repairing the great gate and walls of Minas Tirith, cleaning up Osgiliath and Minas Morgul – or Minas Anor. There’s a lot of work to be done in Rohan as well and up north by the Lonely Mountain.

BK: Seems like you could be busy for quite a while making amends!

Sauron: Yes, And I could let Gandalf and the White Council destroy the One Ring, so that the other rings would no longer be enslaved to it and could do some more good in the world. Although that would probably mean the end of a lot of my negative power, since I put so much of that power into the One Ring.

BK: Well, what do you need all that negative power for if everything is going on quite fine without you?

Sauron: [Laughs] You have a point there. And it would be such a load off my shoulders.

BK: Yes. And isn’t that what you wanted to be Lord of the World for anyway? So you could sit down one day and take a deep breath and enjoy life?

Sauron: [Sighs deeply] Yes. You know I’ve never told anyone about this, but secretly I’ve thought a lot about joining D-Anon lately.

BK: D-Anon?

Sauron: Dictators Anonymous. I heard about it from Darth Vader. He’s been doing The Work and going to their meetings for quite a while. He says it’s really worked wonders for him. His breathing is a lot better now.

BK: Dictators Anonymous – I love it! Okay, sweetheart, let’s move on. Read the next statement on your Worksheet.

Sauron: The Free Peoples of Middle-Earth should worship me – and give me love, approval and appreciation. Man, that statement just seems totally absurd now! I mean, first I kill, murder, destroy and annihilate their people and their country – and then I expect them to give me love, approval and appreciation! Talk about insane!

BK: It’s good that you’re noticing. Turn the thought around.

Sauron: I should worship me and give me love, approval and appreciation.

BK: Yes, honey. That’s your job.

Sauron: It doesn’t feel like I’m doing a very good job.

BK: How can you? How can you give yourself love, approval and appreciation if you’re so busy minding every elf, dwarf and hobbit in Middle-Earth’s business?

Sauron: Phew. That one is a stinger. But so true. In a way I think that’s the reason why I tried to control them all along. Because I wanted their love, approval and appreciation.

BK: I often say that if I had one prayer it would be this: “God spare me from the desire for love, approval and appreciation”. Because this belief is the direct route to the hell of a false identity.

Sauron: It sure was for me.

BK: Let’s look at the next statement.

Sauron: The Free Peoples of Middle-Earth are weak, stupid, annoying, irritating.

BK: Turn it around.

Sauron: I am weak, stupid, annoying, irritating. That’s so true! I mean they’re all just doing fine minding their own business in Hobbiton and Minas Tirith and Rivendell and then I come raising hell. Saying that I am stupid, annoying and irritating is the understatement of the century!

BK: Yes, I can see that.

Sauron: And being such a control freak has definitely made me weak. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I don’t even have a body, I’m constantly worried, and I obsess.

BK: Yes. Okay, honey, the next statement?

Sauron: I never ever want to experience the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth rebelling against my plans again.

BK: So now, “I’m willing to…”

Sauron: I’m willing to…

BK: “… experience…”

Sauron: … the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth rebelling against my plans again.

BK: “I look forward to…”

Sauron: I look forward to the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth rebelling against my plans again. Whoa! That’s radical!

BK: Yes. Because when you believe and feel that – and feeling will let you know what you’re believing – then you can put your thoughts on paper and begin again to question your negative beliefs.

Sauron: Okay.

BK: Thank you, sweetheart, it’s been a privilege to sit with you. Nice Work.

Sauron: Thank you so much, Katie.

BK: For my part, you’re welcome. For your part, thank you.

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latest from dylan land! :-)

i’m having an actual conversation with dylan in this video! (lol, it’s so funny how he kept responding each time i asked something!).



and here some pics taken with iphone so crap quality but you get a good peek into our world:


father and son  on Twitpic goood morning twitland! my hopes for the day? to have an actu... on Twitpic possibly the cutest pic of him evar ... on Twitpic

the cute explodesy brain! on Twitpic more cuteness from a few days ago :) on Twitpic I swear he's starting to smile! :0) on Twitpic

many more pics can be found here: http://twitpic.com/photos/willowing

***

all is going well! dylan had a few rough days with bad stomach cramps/ gripe/ colic, but is much better now, we’re sleeping for longer and i’m actually having ‘proper’ days! like, i can do stuff and go places, yay!

i love this baby so so much. it’s so amazing to have this new being in our lives. every day i wake up with this huge love in my heart and i just stare at him in awe. ♥

i’ve missed doing art though! but now that dylan is getting more settled, i see that starting up again too yay!

i had some time to do a little bit of sewing yesterday and day before and made this little tiger babooshka:


i filled him with dried lavender so he smells all nice now! :)

other than that; life is beautiful.

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little boy blue

dylan beauty

i sorta suck at poetry, but wrote this, for my child, inspired by neil gaiman’s ‘blueberry girl’ poem for tori amos’ baby and some influence by joni mitchell’s ‘little green’ song in there as well. :)

Little Boy Blue (17 days old)

This love, it is incredible.
This love, it is immeasurable.

You fell from the sky,
came through me
like a gift from the stars.

With skin made of silk,
bird sounds and a wink
like light reflected in time.

Gurgles and burbles
and bubbles and angels
sleeps and deep sighs
kisses and rainbows.

Little tiny fingers,
soft fleecy blankets
blue teddy bears
and woolly white top hats.

You opened a portal
right into my soul,
this love, my love,
it made something whole.

Your small warm body
lies on my chest
curled up in a ball
like a round Easter egg.

May no harm ever befall you,
may life to you be kind.
May you find love, compassion
and humour. Most importantly;
may you find peace of soul and mind.

I wish you hot chocolates
in snowy winters, and bunny shaped clouds.
I wish you moonbeams, falling stars
and ethereal beauty, day in and day out.

I hope you will find your voice,
your truth, your river of bliss.
I hope you will dance to the rhythm
of life and enjoy its subtle but beautiful kiss.

May mermaids visit you in your dreams,
and may you find a kaleidoscope of friends
may laughter befall you until you hurt,
and may anger be something you transcend.

Maybe you’ll ride horses in the summer,
Maybe you’ll skate the ice of a purple lake,
Maybe you’ll play golf with your father.
Maybe you’ll enjoy baking cheesecakes.

You might like to run like the wind,
or to sing songs from the heart,
You might like sailing the oceans
or study whimsical art.

There’ll be peanut butter and ice cream,
basketball and cricket games.
Sunrises, fresh grass and little houses,
and happy journeys on yellowish trains.

May your feet walk gentle paths,
may you grow from sorrow and pain,
may your mouth speak feelings freely,
may your skin bask in drizzly rain.

I hope you’ll notice the small things,
like the bright green light
in the hollow of tree leaves.
And the beetle working hard
and the ant with its mighty colony.

I hope for you that your heart will soar
more than once in this stunning life.
I hope for you that you can go explore
the magical places on this earth so bright.

You fell from the sky,
came through me
like a gift from the stars.

A love inexplicable
has swallowed me whole.
You are our entire world,
you have lit up my soul.

TWL

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wuzzah intarwebs! :-)

what shall we do with the dylan sailor?

life is a beautiful yet tiring blur of unpredictable events at the moment. just when i am about to utter the words; “wow, a bit of ‘normality’ seems to have set back in”, i find that before i can even finish that sentence, something new and unpredictable occurs which means that, clearly, ‘normality’ is still a while away yet. :-)

dylan is a dream! a loud, stinky, hungry, cranky dream, at times, but a dream nonetheless. this burbling, gurgling creature has totally turned our worlds upside down, but in such an amazingly beautiful way. he’s sleeping on my chest as i write this, and the softness and warmth of him fills me with such tenderness, it’s hard to describe.

the poor thing has been suffering from ‘gripe’, windy, gassy bits in his tummy, and sometimes he cries so hard, it’s as if he’s being stabbed in the stomach with a knife i tell you!! we got some infacol drops now though and they seem to help! pfew. i had a few days/ nights where all he did was either cry insanely or feed, so it was impossible for me to sleep!

luckily he has now settled a bit, so attempts at sleeping have resumed! i keep being amazed at how well i can function on so little and interrupted sleep.

another fun thing is that i feel a lot more confident now to go out in public and breastfeed him if needed. this means i’m much more free to do stuff and go places. this way we’re not just stuck in the house all the time. it’s really fun to go places with him and to experiment with where and how far we can go.

so, we are well, but still completely consumed by and caught up in the whirlwind of ‘da baby force’ (DBF), everything in my life, presently, is ‘baby baby baby’ apart from a bit of package sending here and there occasionally and watching the new seasons of my fav tv programs!

the other thing that andy and i really have to get used to is; no longer being each other’s centers of attention. before dylan was here, we each used to direct our dedicated love and attention solely and 100% on each other and now … even though andy works from home as well; we HARDLY get to see each other or spend time with each other! it’s crazy. we do a lot of talking and processing to make sure we stay connected, but man; it isn’t easy!!

i find it hilarious to think that some couples have a baby to mend a broken relationship”! if anything, a baby, in my view, can put a real strain on a really good relationship! i don’t know how people who are not as ‘solid’ as andy and i do it! i consider us to have really excellent communication skills, but even our relationship got tested quite a bit!

another side effect of having been pregnant is the weight gain! though i’ve already lost 2 stone (or about 12kgs since his birth) i am still well overweight and it’s bugging me. the rational side of me keeps saying to just be patient and kind and loving to myself about it all, but the triggered side of me can get pretty depressed about it and wants to go on crash diets (that don’t work anyway) and aren’t healthy for baby and me while breastfeeding. i am very triggered by my own body image issues (stemming from deep childhood trauma) and really want to just ‘love myself as is’ and practise awareness and self acceptance, but it isn’t easy, so that is something i’m struggling with as well (btw, pls no tips on weight loss or whatever, i appreciate your intention, but they’ll only trigger me more, empathy on this one will do! :-)).

anyhoo, i sort of fleet in and out of struggling with that one. i’ll have many happy ‘unbothered by it’ days and then get all depressed again, c’est la vie i suppose, i keep processing it with nvc and andy which does help, a lot!

i’m gearing up to making a new youtube art vid! dylan is getting into longer sleeping patterns, which means i should have some art time, yay! i have missed that. i’m about to buy a better camera too, will likely be a panasonic! and i’m mentally preparing for my next portrait course! i’m also thinking of running a ‘world of whimsy II’ which should be much fun! :D

weird, i just heard a parrot sound outside! mmh. it’s like being back in sl. ha.

sooo, that’s me for a bit! hope everyone is well!

remember that i update much more frequently on twitter if you’re interested!

http://www.twitter.com/willowing

big love.

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quicky update!

been trying to write a post for DAYS now, but keep not finding the time! :)

i update my twitter regularly though and also my twitvid and flickr with pics, just don’t have the time to post here!

so, if you’re interested (i know some of you are deadbored with it now!) in following my mini updates about the gurgles and boogles of a new mum with newborn, follow me here:

for quick live updates: http://www.twitter.com/willowing
for quick iphone photies: http://www.twitpic.com/photos/willowing
for little iphone videos: http://www.twitvid.com/videos/willowing
for ‘higher quality photos': http://www.flickr.com/willowing

i WILL manage to update here soooon! :)

in the mean time; the bear necessities! ;)

bear necessities!

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