life is a beautiful yet tiring blur of unpredictable events at the moment. just when i am about to utter the words; “wow, a bit of ‘normality’ seems to have set back in”, i find that before i can even finish that sentence, something new and unpredictable occurs which means that, clearly, ‘normality’ is still a while away yet. :-)
dylan is a dream! a loud, stinky, hungry, cranky dream, at times, but a dream nonetheless. this burbling, gurgling creature has totally turned our worlds upside down, but in such an amazingly beautiful way. he’s sleeping on my chest as i write this, and the softness and warmth of him fills me with such tenderness, it’s hard to describe.
the poor thing has been suffering from ‘gripe’, windy, gassy bits in his tummy, and sometimes he cries so hard, it’s as if he’s being stabbed in the stomach with a knife i tell you!! we got some infacol drops now though and they seem to help! pfew. i had a few days/ nights where all he did was either cry insanely or feed, so it was impossible for me to sleep!
luckily he has now settled a bit, so attempts at sleeping have resumed! i keep being amazed at how well i can function on so little and interrupted sleep.
another fun thing is that i feel a lot more confident now to go out in public and breastfeed him if needed. this means i’m much more free to do stuff and go places. this way we’re not just stuck in the house all the time. it’s really fun to go places with him and to experiment with where and how far we can go.
so, we are well, but still completely consumed by and caught up in the whirlwind of ‘da baby force’ (DBF), everything in my life, presently, is ‘baby baby baby’ apart from a bit of package sending here and there occasionally and watching the new seasons of my fav tv programs!
the other thing that andy and i really have to get used to is; no longer being each other’s centers of attention. before dylan was here, we each used to direct our dedicated love and attention solely and 100% on each other and now … even though andy works from home as well; we HARDLY get to see each other or spend time with each other! it’s crazy. we do a lot of talking and processing to make sure we stay connected, but man; it isn’t easy!!
i find it hilarious to think that some couples have a baby to mend a broken relationship”! if anything, a baby, in my view, can put a real strain on a really good relationship! i don’t know how people who are not as ‘solid’ as andy and i do it! i consider us to have really excellent communication skills, but even our relationship got tested quite a bit!
another side effect of having been pregnant is the weight gain! though i’ve already lost 2 stone (or about 12kgs since his birth) i am still well overweight and it’s bugging me. the rational side of me keeps saying to just be patient and kind and loving to myself about it all, but the triggered side of me can get pretty depressed about it and wants to go on crash diets (that don’t work anyway) and aren’t healthy for baby and me while breastfeeding. i am very triggered by my own body image issues (stemming from deep childhood trauma) and really want to just ‘love myself as is’ and practise awareness and self acceptance, but it isn’t easy, so that is something i’m struggling with as well (btw, pls no tips on weight loss or whatever, i appreciate your intention, but they’ll only trigger me more, empathy on this one will do! :-)).
anyhoo, i sort of fleet in and out of struggling with that one. i’ll have many happy ‘unbothered by it’ days and then get all depressed again, c’est la vie i suppose, i keep processing it with nvc and andy which does help, a lot!
i’m gearing up to making a new youtube art vid! dylan is getting into longer sleeping patterns, which means i should have some art time, yay! i have missed that. i’m about to buy a better camera too, will likely be a panasonic! and i’m mentally preparing for my next portrait course! i’m also thinking of running a ‘world of whimsy II’ which should be much fun! :D
weird, i just heard a parrot sound outside! mmh. it’s like being back in sl. ha.
sooo, that’s me for a bit! hope everyone is well!
remember that i update much more frequently on twitter if you’re interested!