Some Vulnerable Sharing.

Ola from Spain dear friends. The world feels like it’s going up in flames while I calmly and peacefully listen to my children’s laughter (like bells ringing) as they splash around in a beautiful pool filled with fresh sparkly water. How can peaceful joy and abject devastating terror be present in the world at the same time? It feels grotesque at times. It’s so confusing and bewildering. I’m often left utterly dumbfounded and speechless when I witness the horrors in this world. I often don’t know what to do other than to keep talking with each other in the most compassionate ways possible and to keep helping each other where we can.

And, to keep anchoring the light, always keep anchoring the light.

We’ve been in Spain on family vacation/ holiday and while the world is battling its problems, I’ve been struggling with some of my very own old ooooold demons. Demons that seem, compared to the problems of the world, unimportant, yet still there they are and if I’ve learned anything over the years it’s that sharing about your demons and shining a light on them does 3 positive things: 1. It makes your demons actually less demonic looking, they suddenly start to look more like cute little fuzzy gremlins with slightly too many teeth maybe even a bit care-bear-ish 2. Sharing and expressing vulnerable feels works as personal healing for the wounds the demons have inflicted and 3. Authentic sharing of vulnerable stories helps others heal and feel like they can share their story too.

So no matter what else is going on, I’ve definitely learned that sharing my vulnerable stuff is a good idea. And I don’t do it that often anymore because the shape of my life has changed. And that is ok. We all evolve, change, grow into all sorts of different directions. :)

So here is my vulnerable sharing; I wrote this about a week ago on Facebook:

taminpool2 I’ve not been able to face myself in a bathing suit until today. I’ve come very far on my self love/ acceptance journey particularly emotionally but I still struggle with physical appearance. It’s something that was brainwashed into me from a very young age (as with many of us). It’s a painful thing to struggle to love and accept your own body “as is” but I try to love myself through it as best I can. I’m not sharing this to hear the “you’re beautifuls” (thank you). Sharing this to let you know that I struggle too and if you have issues like this you are not alone. :) I’m ok. Swam with the kids this morning. Embraced myself a little more today than I did yesterday. :) ❤️

Ps. I welcome compassionate and understanding responses. I feel less excited about advice. Thanks x

Truth is that I haven’t been back in my bathing suit since that day. And the interesting thing is it’s not so much about ‘what other people think of me’, it’s much more about what I think of me. I’m my worst critic, it is I who struggles to accept what I see when I look at myself. Other people seriously don’t much give a flying banana monkey. :)

So my body-self love journey continues. :) I’m fine, do not worry about me, I’m just sharing for the above 3 mentioned reasons. :) I have healed many wounds and have gone very far on my self love journey (I love pretty much everything about myself that isn’t physical; personality, intentions, negative emotions etc etc), just seeing it as entering the final stage now of attempting to love, accept and even celebrate ‘the physical – as is’. In fact, it’s interesting to me that the physical is the final part for me to heal. I have a belief about myself that my soul didn’t want to really incarnate this time round because it doesn’t much like ‘matter’ (ha), so it looks like I’m here to heal that final relationship with the ‘physical’, too. :) I take a lot of inspiration from the body positive community btw. I love that people are actively making a point of loving one’s body at any shape, disability, colour or size. This girl is particularly awesome. :)

Now for some travel art! :) Whenever I go on holiday I take with me some limited supplies and a journal so I can do bits of arting while away. When we went to Australia last year, I wrote a post about what supplies I bring with me when I go away. Read it here.

And here are some pages from my travel journal while in Spain:

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Practising princesses for Ever After 2017! :) Have you joined us yet?
Come make pretty fairy tale art with us!! :) x

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Other things that have occupied, enthused, inspired or amused me lately:

I want Jeremy Corbyn to win the UK election, did you know he won The Gandhi Foundation International Peace Award 2013?
I love this song by India Arie.
This post about a twitter account rating dogs is hysterical.
Let’s focus on the heroes in this world.
Have you discovered Nayyirah Wayyeed’s poetry yet?
Monument Valley, one of the most amazing games EVER has come out with a Chapter 2!
This guy REALLY loved the Wonder Woman film, he made me ROFLMAO
I reached the 5000 friend limit on FB a long time ago, BUT I post most of my stuff publicly so you can follow (rather than ‘friend’) my personal FB account here and still won’t miss much! :)
For frequent art updates, check out my instagram account here